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False Accusations and the Withholding of a Get

By Rabbi Yair Hoffman

Most people are already sensitized to how horrible it is to withhold a Get from an ex-wife.  It causes needless pain and suffering, not to mention major Chilul Hashem, a desecration of the Divine Name.  Recently, this author posed the following question to a major Posaik.  “Is it ever permitted for an ex-husband to withhold the giving of a Get to his wife?”

The Posaik responded that it was never permitted to withhold a Get in order to try to negotiate better divorce terms, but it is permitted to do so in response to false legal accusations that are still causing a continuing negation of the father’s rights to see his children.  The Posaik claimed that when a false report has been filed against a husband and the husband is not allowed to see his children as a direct result of the false report, he may, with the permission of a reliable Posaik, withhold the get as leverage to ensure that the situation be rectified.

The reason behind the ruling is not, heaven forbid, to punish her, but rather to effectuate the relief of an untenable and ongoing situation.  Halachically, this dispensation is a form of the Talmudic concept of Rav Nachman in Bava Kamma (27b) cited  by the Bais Yoseph (Choshain Mishpat 4).-  “avid inesh dina lenafshay, a person may under certain and specific circumstances effectuate unilateral action.

When asked who should be the arbiter as to whether these accusations are true or false, the Posaik responded that it definitely cannot and should not be the husband.  It must rather be the ruling of a competent Rav or Bais Din, and only after a forensic evaluation has been conducted, where both parties had been spoken to, and after the determination that there doesn’t exist any corroborating evidence.

But who is to choose the Rav or Bais Din who will rule on the case?  It should not be the wife, because she may choose Rabbis or Dayanim that are biased and on her side.  It cannot be the husband, because he will choose people that are biased toward him.  And, in a society where there are no longer any Kehilos to speak of, it is very difficult to come up with a nation-wide A-List of competent and reliable Rabbonim and or Batei Dinim.

As a society, we have become more tolerant and accepting of repulsive behaviors that were once anathema to all decent people. This is a most unfortunate state of affairs that must be changed. A person who pursues false criminal allegations against a spouse resulting in arrest and legal consequences where the other parent cannot see the children, has crossed a horrifying and abominable line in conduct, and has placed their very own Olam haba in jeopardy (see Rambam Hilchos Chovel UMazik 8:9 regarding the repercussions of Mesirah where there is no Pikuach Nefesh involved).   The further prohibitions of Motzi Shaim Rah, and lying are also not inconsequential.

Several lawyers have informed this author of the unfortunate reality – false accusations abound in contemporary divorces.

The need for resolving this quandary of making sure that we do not create Agunos and at the same time ensuring that false accusations are not made against a spouse is most acute.  Both scenarios are very serious, for just as causing an arrest on false abuse charges jeopardizes Olam HaBah, so too does the notion of making Agunos.

The Chezkuni (Bereishis 3:16) cites a Midrash and writes that if someone is betrothed to a woman and leaves her stuck as an agunah, then he is a denier of the World to Come. Consequently, he loses his share in Olam Ha’Ba – the world to come. The Baalei HaTosfos cite the same exposition and come to the very same conclusion.  Making an Agunah causes one to lose Olam Habah.

There, of course, the status of the agunah began at the very very beginning of a marriage—upon halachic betrothal. Nonetheless, the idea is the same—these Rishonim hold that the husbands have lost their share in Olam Ha’Bah. Their fate and future no longer lie with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and their grandparents and great-grandparents for generations. Rather, the fate of these husbands is with the likes of the evil Bilaam and Gechazi.

But what if it was the woman who caused the marriage to fall apart? Is there then a rationale to hold back the Get?  There is a fascinating Chasam Sofer (Nedarim 29) that even in an extreme case where a wife sinned with an extramarital relationship,  “Ein lanu le’agein osa—we are not to make her into an agunah.” The Chasam Sofer continues that this is both obvious and clear.

What should our reaction be when we see an Agunah? The Responsa Yeshuas Malko (EH #54) by Rabbi Yisroel Yehoshua Trunk (Poland 1920-1893) writes, “All of Israel is obligated in trying to help such a woman.”

Rav Moshe Shternbuch of the Eida HaChareidis in Jerusalem (Teshuvos v’Hanhagos Vol. V #44) writes regarding someone who is refusing to give a get to his wife, it is “permitted and proper to publicize” that “no one should have anything to do with him.”  The Posaik mentioned in the very beginning of this article would qualify this ruling of Rav Shternbuch as applicable only when the husband is not trying to get the spouse to remove false charges, and only when the charges have not been accompanied with corroborating evidence.

The Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 1:11) rules that it is proper to enact laws and stipulations regarding marrying an additional wife (this was according to those that had not adopted the ban of Rabbeinu Gershom on polygamy). The Vilna Gaon explains that the Shulchan Aruch writes this in order to avoid situations which may cause or tempt the husband to make his first wife an agunah.

We can make two observations regarding this explanation of the Vilna Gaon. The first is that the notion of husbands making their wives into Agunos as a means of retaliation is certainly not new. The second observation is that we see clearly that steps should be taken to avoid this tragic reality of Agunos from coming about.  It is our communal responsibility.

Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt’l (Igros Moshe YD Vol. IV #15) in a letter to Rabbi Chanina Simcha Posner written in the summer of 1976, writes categorically that no one party has the right to be me’agein the other party for financial purposes. (Me’agein is the verb form of making someone into an agunah.)

Elsewhere, the Shulchan Aruch rules that it is generally forbidden to judge on Shabbos (Orech Chaim 339:1). The Remah adds that even if someone needs to be punished it is forbidden to place him in jail so that he not run away. The Mishnah Berurah (329:14), written by the saintly Chofetz Chaim, rules that this ruling of the Remah does not apply to husbands who are refusing to give their wife a get. He writes that one is allowed to put such a husband in jail over Shabbos so that he will not run away and will thus be present on motzaei Shabbos to give a get to his wife.

Not one of these sources is denying the right of a husband to present his side of the story to a beis din. What these sources all do, however, is demonstrate that the refusal to come to the table and the withholding of a get to inflict psychological harm or pressure to capitulate in other matters is an abominable form of behavior that causes people to lose their share in the World to Come and justifies jailing them on the Sabbath itself.

The only justification to withhold a get, according to the Posaik, is if the wife has falsely accused and filed charges against the husband and the husband is suffering legal repercussions on account of the filed charges.  And even then it is only if there is a Rabbinic finding that the charges are false.  In a further discussion, the Posaik delineated one other situation wherein the husband would be justified in withholding the Get and that was when the wife had vindictively kidnapped the children without his assent and began living far away from the husband.  This too, however, may only be done under the advisement of a Posaik or Bais Din and only after rigorous investigation that the facts are correct.

What we do need to do, however, is figure out a protocol where neither party is in charge of figuring out which Rabbis or which Bais Din will determine whether the charges are real or false and whether the facts of the vindictive relocation are true as well.  Until then, we should carefully warn both parties that both filing false accusations and causing a wife to be an Agunah are actions that cause the violator to lose his or her share in the world to come.   May Hashem relieve the suffering of all parties involved – especially children caught in the middle.

The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@gmail.comfet

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Posted by on November 14, 2013. Filed under Jewish News,Slider. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

12 Responses to False Accusations and the Withholding of a Get

  1. Shlomo

    November 14, 2013 at 9:05 am

    Which major posek? Perhaps other poskim disagree. This psak is not very useful or valuable unless it comes with a name attached.

  2. Sam

    November 14, 2013 at 9:18 am

    I honestly don’t understand the point of referring to an anonymous “Posaik”. Is there no demand for courage from our poskim that we can’t even name names? The whole article is based on the premise that halacha respects anonymous authorities without clearly articulated arguments for their positions. Rabbi Hoffman, please reconsider the wisdom of this sort of anonymous speculation.

  3. Bwall

    November 14, 2013 at 1:04 pm

    While the Pesak that Rabbi Hoffman quotes sounds like an equitable solution it is actually very naive. Divorce proceeding are rife with false accusations– they are often filled with “he said/ she said” mud slinging. Bottom line– well meaning rabbis will be tricked into believing things that are not true. While I am certain that some wives tell lies about their husbands to achieve favorable custody arrangements, don’t husbands tell lies about their wives, too for the same reason? So basically this Posek is again giving an unfair advantage to men. The solution— the Get should NEVER be used as a bargaining chip!

  4. Sara

    November 14, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    I went thru the get process. My ex was extremely controlling and abusive. I went to my Rav and told him to negotiate for me and whatever he says I’ll follow. It did cost me about $20,000 but was worth it. That’s the best way. Have a Rav from each side to negotiate and do it quietly.

  5. information

    November 14, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    The problem with this is that he’s requesting $300,000 so it may not be ALL for the kid.

  6. zach

    November 14, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    I am also puzzled as to why R. Hoffman says a “major posaik” but feels the need to keep him anonymous. Can anyone take such a p’sak seriously? I certainly don’t.

  7. Joe Orlow

    November 14, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Another reason for a husband not to give a Get is when the husband’s Rav tells him not to in a case where the wife left because she did not want to live with the husband anymore (and she doesn’t give a verifiable reason such as he is not living with her as a husband is required) and the husband is now being coerced to give a Get. Any Get given under coercion in a case of Mau’s A’ly is invalid, and if the husband does give a Get under these circumstances and the wife subsequently bears children from another man, then the children are Mamzerim.

  8. David Fohrman

    November 14, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    I agree with the other comments. Anonymous poskim are useless. If you are a Poseik, either you have the courage to be named or you should remain silent. And if you are a writer, either name a Poseik you cite – or remain silent, too. I also agree that the “anonymous psak” sounds naive. Both men and women can lie to authorities and it is up to the other spouse to make their case. Extortion through get refusal simply has to be off the table.

  9. David Tzohar

    November 15, 2013 at 5:15 am

    It is important to remember that not only women are agunot. There are many men out there who are unable to remarry because their wie reuse to accept a get. It is true that these “agunim” can in some cases be given permission to marry a second wife, but the process (especially for Ashkenazim such)takes years to get the signature of 100rabbis including both chief rabbis.Rav YM Lowe refused to sign such a hetter.

  10. steve

    November 15, 2013 at 8:58 am


    What do Poskim say about a case where the wife is no longer shomer shabbos and the husband witholds the get to gain custody of children so that they (the children) will remain religious?

  11. Nachum

    November 16, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Steve: If she wasn’t shomeret shabbat, she probably wouldn’t care that there’s no get.

    Short answer: No, it’s never justified. And it’s not as if you can make an abuse accusation “go away” anyway.

  12. BenAv

    November 19, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    If witholding a gett is permitted as leverage based on the wife not being frum enough, then in practice it will become a frequent occurance and will open the door to easy abuse.