I came to the realization a long time ago that you must have a true sense of humor to be a real-estate broker. This being said, I reflected the other day how a week before Rosh Hashanah if I were wishing for some new stuff for the New Year in the category of “Real Estate Only,” this is what it would be:
• The Town of Hempstead has announced a blanket moratorium on all illegal structures needing permits and variances for the next year. Anyone can file an application—which can be done online, and they will have a certificate of occupancy or certificate of completion recorded and mailed to them—gratis during this one-time amnesty. Coffee and cake served in the Town of Hempstead Building Department office if you come in and file in person. They aim to please!
• LIPA has decided to bury all electric lines in the interest of beautifying our neighborhoods and to prevent power outages caused by lightning and drunk drivers hitting our utility poles.
• All electric towers will also either be minimized and entombed in leakproof lead containers or reassembled on buoys in the middle of the ocean, where they will not be seen or deemed harmful by new homebuyers looking to purchase homes in our area.
• Construction on an overpass from the Van Wyck Expressway and Belt Parkway, which will contain no traffic lights and minimal exits through Peninsula Boulevard, will begin right after yom tov. All construction will be done on elevated lifts so as not to affect the existing traffic flow on Rockaway Boulevard during the construction period, which should be complete by the end of the counting of the Omer next year. Said overpass will be express, with only one exit near Costco and one exit near Peninsula Boulevard. The overpass and Peninsula Boulevard will become a strictly no-commercial-traffic parkway when the overpass is completed and in use throughout the Five Towns.
• E-ZPass will be extended to cover meters in Cedarhurst and Lawrence. Instead of searching for quarters, you will digitally punch in the time you want on the meter, and the meter will radio your E-ZPass in the car with the correct amount needed.
• New garbage cans will be circulated with embedded microchips. After the garbagemen come to empty your cans and leave them by your neighbors or down the street, a software application downloaded to your cell phone will tell you where to find them.
Shanah tovah to everyone with wishes for a joyous and wonderful New Year! v
Anessa Cohen lives in Cedarhurst and is a licensed real-estate broker and a licensed N.Y.S. mortgage broker with over 20 years of experience, offering full-service residential and commercial real-estate services (Anessa V Cohen Realty) and mortgaging services (First Meridian Mortgage) in the Five Towns and throughout the tri-state area. She can be reached at 516-569-5007 or via her website, www.AVCrealty.com. Readers are encouraged to send questions or comments to anessa.cohen@AVCrealty.com.