Because most of the news causes me so much unhappiness, I try to watch as little of it as possible. Despite making an attempt to eschew news programs it is nevertheless not a success story. It isn’t working out well because the news always manages to find its way to me. Without warning, and when I least expect it, headline news stories pops up on my iPhone. And before I get a chance to avert my eyes I learn what’s going on in the world—in the world meaning here, there, and everywhere.
As everyone knows, every rule has an exception so there are however some television news programs that I continue to watch. I’m partial to programs that feature panels. ‘The View’ is one panel program that is my primary exception. The best description of the panel that can be given is that it is a horrific example of what’s wrong in the world. The panel programs that I do continue to watch are those on my preferred (aka my favorite) network, FOX News. At five o’clock every evening I watch ‘The Five’ which, as one would imagine, features five panelists. Everything with FOX is always a play on words. Another favorite program of mine is ‘Outnumbered’. It features a panel of four females and one male; hence the term outnumbered. These people are seated on a semicircular couch. The lone male is seated dead enter and the females are seated on each side of him; two on each side. This program also discusses current topics which focus on the news. But the seating arrangement on these two programs is different. The people on ‘The Five’ are seated at a table so that their legs are not visible. At least two of these five people are men so their legs are covered by their trousers and, because the ladies legs are not front and center, they are not an issue for me. It’s an entirely different ballgame with ‘Outnumbered’. All of the females wear skirts, or dresses, that end mid-thigh. It is truly a sight to behold. Each of them sits with her legs crossed so that the viewer gets to see body parts that should be hidden. As many times as I have been to a beach or a pool I have never seen so many legs and thighs bared. In an attempt to comfort my bruised ego I tell myself that I too have legs and pulkas that size, but they are known as my arms! And if the sight of all of that is not enough, there is more to discourage me.
On ‘Outnumbered’ most of the gals have hair that is the average length of a child’s jump rope. And, inevitably, those tresses are thick and lustrous. I confess that long and lustrous hair bothers me because, being an octogenarian, I’m just happy that I have enough hair to cover my scalp. And if legs, thighs, and hair isn’t enough to cause me to harbor unhappy thoughts, there is yet one more issue for me to deal with. It pertains to shoes. Every female on the program has apparently mastered the art of walking on her toes! Two or three inch heels don’t exist for these women. I never even see four or five inch heels. These ladies are all wearing six inch heels. This too is disturbing because I’m just happy I can walk in flats. But, here too, I make an attempt to provide myself with comfort. I do so by thinking that possibly—hopefully—as soon as the program ends, these females kick off those ridiculous shoes and whip out a pair that has heels of a normal height before attempting to walk. Who knows, maybe some of them even wear flats or Nikes when they’re not being seen on television.
The bottom line is that if the news of the day isn’t enough to distress me, all too often I find other things that do. That’s just the way it is. n
Hannah Berman lives in Woodmere and can be reached at Savtahannah@aol.com or 516-295-4435. Read more of Hannah Berman’s articles on 5TJT.com.
