Understated Heroes

By: Larry Gordon

They do their work in a quiet and discreet fashion, but at the same time, with fierce determination. They are the women of Sister to Sister, an organization that provides multiple levels of support and assistance to women of all ages as they navigate the vicissitudes of divorce.

My contact in Sister to Sister is Mindy Dershowitz, the daughter of Leah and George, relatives of ours and for the last many years, also neighbors. We did a story on the organization last year at this time as they were going through their annual capital campaign to raise the vital funds they need for the work they so selflessly perform.

Mindy oversees the organization’s operations in the Five Towns, so it’s important to realize that her work here is only a microcosm of the great work being done in many other communities around the country.

The other day, I spoke with Mindy and two of her colleagues, Bracha Zomber and Leora Blank, who work for Sister to Sister overseeing and implementing a plethora of programs that exist to help these women who are bringing up more than a few children without a father in the house.

Sadly, they confirm that the percentage of divorces in the frum community continues to skyrocket. It’s a disturbing trend, and one cannot help but reflect back to a time a few decades ago when we could safely assume that the challenges and difficulties of the outside world did not seep in to wreak havoc on the Orthodox Jewish community.

But the reality is here we are. As of this week, Sister to Sister is involved in helping over 2,600 households in various communities, with 200 of them right here in the Five Towns.

The bottom line is that Sister to Sister has a lot of ground to cover to meet the needs of struggling families while covering their operational costs, which can run up to $3 million annually. In more ways than one, Mindy and her staff are the heroes of their communities. Yet they are modest and discreet, as mentioned above, and prefer not to appear on podcasts talking openly above the problems in the Jewish community.

My wife, Esta, who interviewed the young women alongside me, asked about the composition of the communities presently being served. Many aspects of Jewish life can be categorized to give us a better understanding of what we’re dealing with, and while the makeup of the communities being served is not important, it’s still an interesting statistic.

To that end, the ladies of Sister to Sister tell Esta that today, about 65% of those being served are from the right wing or Chareidi and Chassidic communities, and about 35% are from what we refer to as the Modern Orthodox, although the lines between those communities can sometimes be blurred.

Breaking it down further, Mindy Dershowitz says that the overwhelming number of divorces are from young families, very often with one or two children in the household, but there has also been an uptick in divorced women with no children.

To understand the increase in divorce in our community, the women say that last year, they received on average one call per day from a woman who needed assistance. At present, that number has doubled to an average of two calls per day from women who are either divorced or going through the arduous process.

There’s a great deal that Sister to Sister does to ease and even streamline the process. But Mindy points out that these are very sensitive issues and no one wants to feel helpless or pitied.

Mindy Dershowitz is a “community captain” who works with scores of advocates who are matched up with the women who sign up to work with them through the divorce process. To get an idea of the extent of the work Sister to Sister does, there are 11 Captains leading their outstanding work in various communities.

So, what does Sister to Sister do to help their clients? First and foremost, they provide volunteer legal counseling to the women as a way to guide them through the process. They also work with local rabbanim who can help manage the get process legally and properly. The Advocates work with the women by visiting them when needed and in many cases speaking with them by phone, sometimes on a daily basis.

They provide the emotional support of a friend who understands the terrain these women are traversing. There there’s the finances and financial support that is supplied when necessary. There’s a yom tov fund to help the family at those times of the year, a Simcha Fund when there is a bar mitzvah or a wedding in the family, and so on. One thing we know is that even when life gets tough, life still goes on.

Sister to Sister has reinvigorated life for women who thought life as they knew it was about to end. In many cases, they come to realize that indeed, there is life after life.

The July 14-15 campaign to raise the funds they need to function throughout the year is here and they are depending on you and your support.

Years ago, when a woman with a home full of children faced a predicament like this, they were mostly alone except for a friend or two. Sister to Sister changed all that dramatically. The balance they have to strike is not a simple one, but they do it and perform the needed tasks well.

In terms of things like counseling, Sister to Sister works closely with the Ohel Children’s Home and Family Services in addition to their own volunteer mental health counselors. Apropos at this time of year, they also have a Camp Fund so children from a home experiencing fundamental changes are not left on the street during the summer.

That Sister to Sister exists is a tribute to the people of the community who support them. And that would be you and all of us. Life can sometimes take odd twists and turns, but STS is there to direct those in need and smooth out the road that lays ahead to give everyone a brighter future. 

Read more of Larry Gordon’s articles at 5TJT.com. Follow 5 Towns Jewish Times on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for updates and live videos. Comments, questions, and suggestions are welcome at 5TJT.com and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.