Halachic Musings
By Rabbi Yair Hoffman
In Jewish tradition, the wedding is one of the holiest days in one’s life. It is equated with Yom Kippur in terms of its ability to atone for past misdeeds, and the prayers of a bride and groom are considered very powerful–equal to that of a Kohen Gadol.
The wedding day marks the beginning of a wonderful relationship with one’s new spouse and the development of the basic family unit. The ceremony is a mix of traditions in which the importance of the relationship and obligations is highlighted–to the couple as well as to the Jewish people. The groom gives the ring to the bride with the formula “Behold you are sanctified unto me with this ring in accordance with the traditions of Moses and Israel.” This phrase alone is imbued with meaning and takes into account that this is not just a marriage between two people, but a foundation stone of the future Jewish people. This is why traditional weddings are so filled with joy and celebration–it is truly a communal event.
Fasting. It is the custom for Jewish brides and grooms to fast on the day of their wedding. There are a number of reasons for this custom. One reason is that according to Jewish tradition, on the day of the wedding, all of one’s sins are forgiven. It is just like Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year. Another reason is to ensure that neither the groom nor the bride becomes drunk on the day of the wedding. A third reason is that righteous people fast before they perform a mitzvah that is particularly beloved to them. A fourth reason is that the nation of Israel fasted on the day that they received the Torah at Mount Sinai. The customs concerning a bride and groom parallel the time when the nation of Israel was taken as a bride of Hashem at Mount Sinai. If it would be too difficult for them to fast, there is room to be lenient, particularly in regard to the bride. The fast ends after the chuppah ceremony. When the actual wedding is delayed until past nightfall, some are lenient and allow the bride and groom to break their fast even before the chuppah.
Kabbalas Panim. The bride and groom do not see each other before the wedding, to create an even greater fondness of the heart for each other. It is therefore the custom for the guests to greet the kallah and the chassan separately before the wedding begins in an atmosphere of happiness, song, food, and drink. This is called the KabbalasPanim. The bride is greeted with mazaltov wishes and is surrounded by her mother, future mother-in-law, and entourage. The groom is greeted in a separate room.
Chassan’s Tisch. The KabbalasPanim of the groom is held in a separate room that is called the chassan’s tisch, the groom’s table. Here, too, guests greet the groom and his entourage in an atmosphere of happiness, song, food, and drink. Many of the important elements of the wedding are conducted in this room. These are the writing and signing of the marriage conditions, or “tenaim” in Hebrew; the reading of this document before those assembled; the writing and signing of the kesubah, the document ensuring the wife’s rights; the “KabbalasKinyan,” where the contractual obligations are undertaken; and the breaking of the porcelain dish to always remember the Temple destroyed in Jerusalem–may it speedily be rebuilt.
The Bedekin. After the events at the chassan’s tisch are completed, the groom and his entourage are accompanied to the room where the kallah is found. This is where the bedekin will be conducted. The groom places the veil over the head of the bride. The bride is then given blessings by her father. This custom is to ensure that the bride is really the girl whom the groom planned to marry! (This was not the case with our forefather Jacob.) Some authorities are of the opinion that the bedekin is actually one of the definitions of the term “chuppah”–canopy–and that this is one of the crucial elements of the wedding itself.
The Wedding Ceremony. After the bedekin, the guests enter the area where the chuppah will be held. Many have the tradition to conduct the chuppah under the sky, but when weddings are held in a synagogue, this is not always feasible. The groom is accompanied to the chuppah with candles and often wears an all-white outfit, i.e., he wears a kittel. The white signifies purity from sin–a great manner in which to begin a marriage. Sometimes other family members walk down as well. The bride is accompanied down to the chuppah and circles the groom seven times. The bride’s mother and mother-in-law join in the circle.
The Mesader Kiddushin is the rabbi who performs the ceremony. He is called to the chuppah along with two kosher Jewish witnesses who fully observe Jewish law. The rabbi recites the first set of wedding blessings (eirusin blessings) over wine and the groom gives the ring to the bride and recites the formula in Hebrew, “Harei at mekudeshes li b’taba’as zu k’das Moshe v’Yisrael–Behold you are wedded (sanctified) to me with this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel.” This must be done in front of the two witnesses.
The kesubah document is read after the ring is given but before the second set of blessings (nissuin blessings) begins. It is the custom to honor various people with the reading of the second set of blessings. After the blessings are completed, the groom breaks a glass with his foot. This is also to remember the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. After the glass is broken, everyone joins in with wishes of “MazalTov,” song, dance, and music. The bride and groom are then accompanied to the yichud room.
Yichud Room. This is where the groom takes his new wife to his own private room. The bride and groom must be alone in this room, and witnesses to that effect must observe this for at least nine minutes. This is the very last aspect of the traditional Jewish wedding. After the bride and groom leave the room, they generally take pictures before they join in the actual wedding celebration and meal.
The Meal. It is a mitzvah for the guests to partake in the wedding meal. The sages have said that for whoever helps gladden a bride and groom, it is as if he has rebuilt one of the destroyed buildings in Jerusalem. The guests are given a roll of bread. It is a special mitzvah to wash one’s hands and then partake of the bread, the meal, and recite the special grace after the meal for a bride and groom.
The Dancing. The custom in the United States has developed for there to be two dances in front of the bride and groom. The first dance is generally held before the main part of the meal is served, and the second dance is held before dessert. The women dance with the women and the men dance with the men. The curtain or temporary wall separating them is called the mechitzah.
Sheva Berachos. After dessert is served, the set of blessings that we heard at the chuppah is repeated. It is the custom to honor other people with these blessings. The blessings are listed below, but G‑d’s Name has been left out.
1. Blessing: Baruch atah . . . melech ha’olam shehakol bara lichvodo. Translation: Blessed are You, L‑rd, our G‑d, Sovereign of the universe, who created everything for His Glory.
2. Blessing: Baruch atah . . . melech ha’olam, yotzer ha’adam. Translation: Blessed are You, L‑rd, our G‑d, Sovereign of the universe, who creates man.
3. Blessing: Baruch atah . . . melech ha’olam, asher yatzar es ha’adam b’tzalmo, b’tzelem d’mus tavniso, v’hiskin lo mimenu binyan adei ad. Baruch atah . . . yotzeir ha’adam. Translation: Blessed are You, L‑rd, our G‑d, Sovereign of the universe, who creates man in Your image, fashioning perpetuated life. Blessed are You, L‑rd, Creator of man.
4. Blessing: Sos tasis v’sageil ha’akara b’kibutz baneha l’socha b’simcha. Baruch ata . . . m’sameach Tzion b’vaneha. Translation: May the barren one exult and be glad as her children are joyfully gathered to her. Blessed are You, L‑rd, who gladden Zion with her Children.
5. Blessing: Sameiach tesamach rei’im ha’ahuvim k’sameichacha y’tzircha b’gan eden mikedem. Baruch ata . . . m’sameiach chasan v’challah. Translation: Grant perfect joy to these loving companions, as you did your creations in the Garden of Eden. Blessed are You, L‑rd, who grants the joy of groom and bride.
6. Blessing: Baruch ata . . . melech ha’olam, asher bara sasson v’simcha chassan v’kallah, gilah rinah ditzah v’chedvah, ahavah v’achvah v’shalom v’reus. M’herah . . . yishamma b’arei Yehudah uv’chutzos Yerushalayim kol sasson v’kol simcha, kol chassan v’kol kallah, kol mitzhalos chassanim meichupasam une’arim mimishte n’ginasam. Baruch . . . m’sameiach chassan im ha’kallah. Translation: Blessed are You, L‑rd, our G‑d, Sovereign of the universe, who created joy and gladness, groom and bride, mirth, song, delight and rejoicing, love and harmony and peace and companionship. Soon, L‑rd our G‑d, may there ever be heard in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem voices of joy and gladness, voices of groom and bride, the jubilant voices of those joined in marriage under the bridal canopy, the voices of young people feasting and singing. Blessed are You, L‑rd, who causes the groom to rejoice with his bride.
7. The last blessing is the blessing on wine.
Mazal tov!v
The author can be reached at Yairhoffman2@gmail.com.
