We receive many emails in the course of a given week. Every so often, maybe once or twice a month, we will receive a handwritten or carefully-typed letter in an envelope with postage, which these days can take some effort. In other words, to receive a letter by mail to our office these days takes a fair amount of deliberation and thought on the part of the sender. When was the last time you remember writing anyone a letter by hand or even typing it on your laptop with Microsoft Word?
Back in mid-October, I received one of these interesting, neatly-typed anonymous letters that was critical of several things at the 5TJT, but mostly me and my thought process. I have to admit that I was both intrigued and entertained. For the past several weeks, I’ve been thinking about featuring the letter here and offering a response.
First, as a preface, for those of you who are more recent readers, it’s important to note that the 5TJT is now in its 25th year. On that matter I can say that after all this time, it’s indeed possible that many of you were not even born yet when we planned our first issue back in 1999.
In case you didn’t know, we are a privately-owned, independent newspaper with many decades of Jewish media experience and an unabashed finger on the pulse of our communities around the world. I feel like it’s unnecessary to explain this because our weekly editions are critically acclaimed in many circles. As our readers know, we address a wide range of subject matters that pertain to Jewish life. I’m not saying this is a simple task to achieve, but let’s put it this way: it’s not complicated when you consider world events as they are today.
Anyway, I opened this envelope and found a letter from an anonymous reader who signed his or her name, “A Friend.”
It begins: “G’mar Tov to you and your family. First of all, I want to tell you that my family and I enjoy the 5TJT very much and look forward to reading it every week.”
My comment on that first line is that it is very nice and kind, although I should point out that the Gemara says that it is not advisable to speak in flattering terms about someone because it could lead to lashon ha’ra. You may be wondering how it is possible that flattery and kind words could lead to lashon ha’ra about a person. Isn’t flattery a good thing? But human nature, the Talmud tells us, is such that if someone says something complimentary about a person, the next person will most likely chime in that “so-and-so is not really so nice…” and the downward spiral begins.
Back to the letter: “But there are some columns—or their usual content—that are quite boring and we feel unnecessary. I refer specifically to your columns and the ones by Ms. Hirsch-Magence, who I assume is your daughter, and Yochanan, who I assume is your son.”
My comment on that: The letter writer apparently loves the paper and looks forward to it, but “we” think that any article or essay that emanates from me or my offspring is boring and unnecessary. The “we” in this case seems to refer to the writer’s family, extended family, and possibly even the general population where they reside. I have to admit that I was sitting in my car when I first read the letter and was thinking that such a critical analysis was actually flattering and it made me smile. Frankly, I love criticism for several reasons. First, it demonstrates that some readers take our efforts very seriously and think deeply about the things they care about or don’t as the case may be.
My second thought was that there’s something wrong with this person to write a letter like that, but then again, since it only targets me and my two kids who are contributing to the paper, this must be something that is somewhat personal. But let’s not be too quick to take things out of context and see what else is on the writer’s mind.
The letter continues: “Do you think that readers are really interested in reading stories and details about your family every week? Often there is something noteworthy in these columns and we actually did read them at first, but now we completely skip them so that we don’t have to moan, ‘Oh no, it’s about his grandfather again,’ or ‘Gee, do you want to hear about her children again?’”
My comments: This is absolutely great! Unfortunately, among our many readers and target audience, there are not too many people like this with the inability to think straight or right. That doesn’t mean that they’re not entitled to their opinion just as I’m perfectly within my right to disagree or surmise there is some kind of intellectual dysfunction at play here.
You may have noticed that the letter-writer finds absolutely no objection to any of our other weekly columnists of which there are quite a few, just with me, my daughter, and my son.
So, let’s just say that this letter-writer, who is afraid to use their name, which in and of itself indicates a lack of genuineness or sincerity, has a valid criticism which I wholly reject. First, my best advice is to continue to do what you’re doing. That is, skip the columns you do not like and continue to read the others and patronizing our hundreds of regular advertisers. That’s an important thing.
Secondly, the columns of the three of us are infrequently about us and rarely contain anything personal. Quite to the contrary, if this errant critique is right, on the occasion that we do include personal experiences to share with the hundreds of thousands of readers here, in South Florida, and online, such as the sudden loss of my father or Malkie’s experience as a young widow and overcoming adversity with fortitude and panache, it is more emotionally touching and inspiring to our readers than anything else.
I have personally heard countless times over the years how my annual reference to my father’s yahrzeit and how far I’ve come since then is an important message that readers look forward to and cherish. And this experience is inevitable and unavoidable for all of us.
Let me add that last year I was home one morning when our house phone rang. I literally never answer that phone and only have it because it’s part of the Verizon Wi-Fi and cable package that we have had for the last thirty years. I don’t know what moved me to answer the phone that day, but it was ringing and I just reflexively answered it.
“Can I speak to Malkie Hirsch?” said the caller. I was a little taken aback since no one calls here and certainly not for one of our children, who haven’t lived here for almost two decades. So, I didn’t know if the caller was selling something or raising money for tzedakah or what. But instead of hanging up, I said, “Can I help you?”
He said that he lives in Queens and his son passed away suddenly the week before, and his daughter-in-law and her three young children were having a difficult time dealing with the tragedy. Then he said, “She really needs to speak with Malkie.”
There was another instance a little more than a year ago when a 39-year-old man was suddenly niftar, leaving behind a wife and six children aged 2 to 12. Someone called us on a Saturday night to say that the children were sitting shivah in the living room, but the widow just cannot get out of bed to join the children in the mourning process.
We weren’t going to let Malkie go up to Rockland Country alone at 11 p.m. Her husband was staying with the kids and me while Esta drove up with her. We sat in the kitchen just waiting. Malkie went upstairs to the bedroom and spoke with the woman for two hours. After that, Malkie left and went home, just as the shivah house was emptying out. The next day we heard that the woman was sitting downstairs with her children.
As for our son Yochanan, he brings a well-thought-out voice to the weekly offerings in the paper. His writings look at the world through the lens of Torah on multiple levels. He dabbles in Chassidishe thought and how it’s relevant to the modern world that this generation is growing up in. His is a unique voice from a special vantage point. Countless people have told me or written that his articles are standard reading at their Shabbos table.
The letter continues: “We realize that everyone has family yichus and that life tosses us all a curveball or two, BUT WHY DO WE HAVE TO READ ABOUT YOURS IN THE PAPER!!!”
The caps are theirs as are the exclamation marks. My final comment on this unserious letter is that I have tried to be kind and open-minded about this person’s criticisms, but I have two observations to make and I hope you will agree or at least understand. Firstly, the letter writer, in my opinion, is misguided. Second, we own the paper, have devised the editorial stance, and work hard to provide a balanced and interesting publication that our public—even this unhappy letter-writer—looks forward to every week.
As I stated above, the letter is signed “A Friend.” Well with friends like that…
Read more of Larry Gordon’s articles at 5TJT.com. Follow 5 Towns Jewish Times on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for updates and live videos. Comments, questions, and suggestions are welcome at 5TJT.com and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
