Conflict is an unavoidable part of life, but for the close-knit Five Towns community, disagreements can carry a heightened significance. Here, conflicts between neighbors, businesses, and community organizations can intertwine with personal and family relationships, making disputes feel deeply personal.
While many people associate mediation with divorce, it involves so much more. Mediation can be a transformative tool for resolving conflicts of all kinds—whether between neighbors, relatives, business partners, and even institutions like schools and shuls.
Through real-life examples, I will explore how mediation has fostered understanding and resolution in our community, turning seemingly insurmountable conflicts into opportunities for collaboration and growth.
Case #1: Bridging Generations in a Family Business
The Goldstein* family has owned a thriving bakery in the Five Towns for over 30 years, but a disagreement between the four siblings who inherited the business threatened to tear them apart. Two siblings wanted to modernize the bakery (employing social media marketing and new recipes), while the other two were adamant about preserving the bakery’s traditional offerings and atmosphere.
The conflict grew so intense that family dinners became battlegrounds and the siblings began avoiding one another outside of business hours. Recognizing the emotional toll the dispute was taking, they turned to mediation for a resolution.
In a series of sessions, the mediator facilitated open conversations, helping the siblings articulate their fears and hopes for the business. For the traditionalists, the bakery represented their parents’ legacy; for the modernizers, it was about ensuring the bakery’s survival in a changing world. The mediator guided them toward a solution that honored both perspectives: opening a second location to experiment with modern concepts while keeping the original bakery’s original charm intact.
Today, the Goldstein Bakery is thriving in two separate locations and the siblings not only run a successful business but have also rekindled their family bond.
Case #2: Resolving a Neighborhood Dispute
The Levines and the Cohens moved into adjacent homes on a quiet street, each hoping for a peaceful suburban life. But a disagreement over a shared fence quickly spiraled into a bitter feud, complete with passive-aggressive notes and escalating complaints to the local homeowners’ association.
The conflict reached a breaking point when the Cohens decided to replace the fence without consulting the Levines. Both families realized that legal action would only make matters worse, so they agreed to try mediation.
During the mediation sessions, the mediator uncovered the root of the issue: differing expectations about property boundaries and a lack of communication. With the mediator’s guidance, the families worked out an agreement to share the cost of a new fence and design it collaboratively to meet both families’ aesthetic preferences.
The mediator also helped the families establish clear communication practices, ensuring that any future issues could be discussed openly. What began in animosity ended with the two families hosting a backyard barbecue to celebrate their new alliance.
Case #3: Finding Common Ground in a School Dispute
A conflict erupted between parents and administrators at a local school over changes to the dress code. Parents felt the new rules were too restrictive and excluded students’ cultural expressions, while the administration argued that the changes were necessary to maintain discipline.
Rather than letting the conflict escalate, both sides agreed to mediation. The mediator created a neutral space where parents and administrators could voice their concerns without interruption or judgment. Through this process, they discovered that the core issue wasn’t about the dress code itself but about a lack of communication and transparency.
The mediation led to the creation of a parent-administrator advisory board to review and revise policies collaboratively. This process not only resolved the immediate conflict, but also built a foundation for ongoing dialogue and trust within the school community.
Why Mediation Matters
These stories illustrate the broad potential of mediation beyond divorce. Mediation is a tool for resolving any type of dispute between two parties where the relationship is important and finding common ground is essential. Mediation empowers individuals to voice their concerns, understand the others’ perspectives, and create solutions that work for everyone.
In the Five Towns, where community connections are deeply valued, mediation offers a way to preserve harmony and strengthen relationships. It’s a reminder that conflict doesn’t have to tear us apart. With the right tools, mediation can bring us closer together. If you find yourself in a conflict, whether with a neighbor, a business partner, or within your community, consider mediation as a first step toward finding a resolution. You may be surprised at the transformation it can bring.
*All names and businesses have been changed to protect their privacy. n
Tamara Gestetner is a certified divorce mediator and psychotherapist located in Cedarhurst. She works with couples in need of mediation as well as couples in need of counseling. Tamara can be reached at tamaragestetner@gmail.com or 646-239-5686. For a free guide to dealing with the intricacies of divorce, please scan the attached QR code. To learn more about Tamara, please visit her website at www.tamaragestetner.com.
