Part 3 of 5: Focus on Today

By Rabbi Elie Feder PhD

“Enjoy and cherish every day—don’t worry so much about tomorrow, on what might or might not happen. Do the best you can—but if you focus your worry on tomorrow, it makes you lose today and tomorrow. If something bad is going to happen, it will happen. You won’t be able to deny it. At least you have today, and so many wonderful things happen in today.” — My mother’s letter

This powerful part of my mother’s letter touched so many people. Who doesn’t feel that their worries have caused them to squander so many todays and tomorrows? While we all sense its truth, my mother expressed it clearly, insightfully, and convincingly. Her words remind us that our worries are so counterproductive.

While her point is clearly true, what can we do about it? We can’t just tell ourselves that our worries are interfering with our happiness and—poof!—make them disappear. It’s just not that simple. What if we are worried? How can we implement my mother’s beautiful and meaningful letter in our own lives?

Men of Trust

The Mishnah in Sotah 48a says: “From the time when the Second Temple was destroyed…men of trust ceased to exist.” Rashi explains that “men of trust” refers to “those who find security in G-d, and rely on Him to do good, and aren’t worried about a loss.” In the Gemara, Rabbi Yitzchak explains that men of trust are “people who find security in the Holy One, Blessed be He. As it’s taught in a Beraisa: Rabbi Eliezer the Great says that whoever has bread in his basket to eat today and says, ‘What will I eat tomorrow?’ is nothing other than from those of little trust.”

But doesn’t this perspective seem extreme? Do men of trust simply assume that G-d will provide for their needs and ignore planning for the future? Isn’t this relying on a miracle? How can we make sense of this praiseworthy description of men of trust?

Reward and Punishment

To understand the men of trust, let’s first differentiate between two vastly different perspectives on the laws of nature. Atheistic scientists consider these laws as the be-all and end-all of existence. On the other hand, the Torah view recognizes the laws of nature as the amazing system that G-d created to govern His universe.

Since we know that the laws of nature are merely Hashem’s method of governing the world, we recognize that they’re not everything. Besides His natural laws, Hashem’s reward and punishment influence the laws of nature to provide us with what we deserve. As such, we know that our success isn’t entirely dependent upon how we take advantage of our chance opportunities but is significantly impacted by our service of Hashem and the corresponding Divine providence.

To highlight this important distinction between atheists and Torah, let’s take an example. Yaakov Avinu prepared for his confrontation with Eisav in three ways: gifts, a military strategy, and tefillah. If Yaakov adequately prepared himself with gifts and a military strategy, why did he need to daven? Conversely, if he davened, why did he need to prepare gifts and a military strategy? The answer is obvious: attaining success demands that we follow a two-pronged approach: on the one hand, we must analyze Hashem’s laws to formulate and implement an intelligent plan; on the other hand, we must recognize the limitations of this plan, and seek out Divine assistance to help bring it to fruition.

We can learn from Yaakov Avinu that, no matter how righteous we are, we can never be fully confident that Hashem will protect us. We can never simply ignore Hashem’s laws, act foolishly, and then sit back and trust that He’ll answer our prayers. Rather, we must analyze Hashem’s laws, make the best possible plan, and only then pray that the details will fall into place. This unique two-pronged Torah approach can help us appreciate the seemingly reckless perspective of men of trust who have bread in their basket and don’t ask, “What will I eat tomorrow?”

Planning vs. Worrying

The key to understanding men of trust is differentiating between planning and worrying. Men of trust plan, they don’t worry. Once they formulate and implement a thought-out plan, as Rashi says, “they find security in G-d, rely on Him to do good, and aren’t worried about a loss.”

What’s the difference between planning and worrying? Planning is rational and productive; worrying is irrational and counterproductive. We plan to maximize the probability of our success. But, since even the best plan has a small probability of failure, we worry it may not work out. While we know that this worry doesn’t accomplish anything, we can’t help it. On the other hand, a man of trust realizes that once he has bread in his basket—meaning, a rational plan for his sustenance—it’s counterproductive to say, “What will I eat tomorrow?” It does no good to worry that things won’t work out and to make endless plans for that unlikely eventuality. The man of trust thinks, “I made a good plan—if things don’t work out, I’ll deal with it then.”

Stop Worrying

But how can we stop the worrying? To answer this question, let’s analyze worry a bit deeper. Why do we worry? Because we know that our plans aren’t guaranteed to bring about our success—that there will always be chance factors that are out of our control. We worry about these factors going wrong instead of right. But we must recognize that worrying cannot solve our problems.

So, what’s the alternative? Trust in Hashem. How does this help? Once we do our best to make a rational plan for success, we are left with intangible factors that we can’t control. Though we never know exactly what will occur, we know and trust that Hashem runs the world according to justice. Even after we make our best plans, there’s something more we can do: we can learn Torah, perform mitzvos, and daven to Hashem. Even though these activities don’t guarantee results, they’re the best we can do in the face of uncertainty.

Our trust in Hashem can help us avoid, or at least minimize, the worrying. Why? Because worrying is based upon a feeling that we’re hopeless and are simply left to blind luck. However, if we embrace our limitations of fully accomplishing our goals on our own and instead turn to the Master of the universe, we can find a degree of security in knowing that we’re on the right track. This is the attitude of men of trust who “find security in G-d, rely on Him to do good, and aren’t worried about a loss.”

My Mother’s Trust

Now I’m beginning to understand my mother’s secret! She realized that as much as she could go to top doctors and take the best care of herself, she had limited control over her health—that her life (as all of our lives) is ultimately in the hand of G-d. That’s what she meant when she wrote, “If something bad is going to happen, it will happen. You won’t be able to deny it…Only G-d knows what lies ahead, what’s just around the corner. We cannot write the script.”

My mother recognized the negative effects of worry. That’s what she meant when she wrote, “Don’t worry so much about tomorrow, on what might or might not happen…But if you focus your worry on tomorrow, it makes you lose today and tomorrow.” If she had let herself worry every time something wasn’t right, she would’ve lost life’s most precious moments.

My mother exemplified the model of those who “find security in G-d, rely on him to do good, and aren’t worried about a loss.” If she could enjoy today, she wouldn’t ask, “Will I be healthy tomorrow?” She recognized the important distinction between planning and worrying. Instead of worrying, her trust in Hashem allowed her to focus on davening, learning, making good decisions, and, of course, enjoying today.

Practical Steps

Here are some thoughts that can help you incorporate the lessons gleaned from my mother’s letter and the Torah’s eternal messages into your own life.

A major impediment to happiness: Unproductive worrying about the future.

Why this causes unhappiness: Instead of enjoying what you have today, you worry about what you may or may not have in the future.

How this can be avoided: By staying focused on the good that you have today.

Practical steps to stay focused on the good you have today:

• Carefully consider which parts of the future are within your control and which are beyond your control.

• Regarding those things that are in your control, devote your energies toward making thought-out plans for success.

• Since the things that are out of your control are truly out of your control, acknowledge that worrying about them won’t enable you to control them.

• Instead, strive to serve G-d as best as you can, and then put your trust in Him. After all, He controls that which you can’t, and He runs the world according to His justice.

Why this helps you be happy: There is generally much good in your life to be happy about, as long as you avoid focusing on all the worries.

My mother’s life demonstrated that true happiness comes from a mindset deeply rooted in Torah values and principles. For a deeper analysis of Torah sources on happiness, or to explore more lessons from my mother about living a joyous Torah life, you can find Happiness in the Face of Adversity on Amazon, Mosaica Press, or at your local seforim store.

Rabbi Elie Feder PhD, a Rebbe at Yeshiva Bnei Torah and a math professor at Kingsborough Community College, is the author of Gematria Refigured (2022) and Happiness in the Face of Adversity (2024). He is also a cohost of the podcast “Physics to God” and the host of the podcast “Simply Deep.”