How A Rabbi And PhD Gained The Most Insight From His Mother: Review of “Happiness in the Face of Adversity: Powerful Torah ideas from a Mom’s parting words”
By Rabbi Elie Feder, PhD, $19.99 (196p) ISBN 978-1961602670
Review by Michele Justic
The greatest scholars, philosophers, and scientists of every age have been chasing the most elusive mystery of all time: how to achieve happiness. Author, mathematician, and professor Rabbi Elie Feder, PhD shares the secret he discovered from an unlikely source: his mother. As Mother’s Day approaches, this lesson is particularly fitting. The insights he shares in “Happiness in the Face of Adversity” can also help us in the area of self-improvement as we celebrate the anniversary of accepting the Torah.
Feder’s mother, Shani, a’h, battled debilitating chronic health conditions for years but never lost her verve or mettle. Married at 18, she developed back pain that same year and underwent numerous surgeries to repair a displaced disc. But her problems persisted as she continued to suffer from joint pain, fevers, and numerous other aches and pains. One specialist dubbed it, “Shani’s Syndrome,” an autoimmune disorder similar to lupus but unique in other aspects. Shani’s extensive medical treatments began to affect her kidneys, and she also contracted Klebsiella infection. But the book is not about her medical journey. Shani did not focus on her medical challenges while she was alive, she had far too many other blessings to occupy her time and focus.
Shani and her husband Mendy raised three children, providing them with a normal, happy home life despite the physical challenges she faced. Before her passing, she wrote an email to her children using normal language that expressed esoteric ideas that should require much thought and introspection, which she was able to compose despite her constant pain. Rabbi Feder sought to publish his mother’s letter while expanding on each idea using Torah and other sources to come back full circle to his mother’s ideas.
In the chapter on “Focus on the Good,” Rabbi Feder quotes his mother, “If something bad or unexpected happens, you will deal with it—you are stronger than you think—and maybe some good will even come from it. Only G-d knows what lies ahead, what’s just around the corner. We cannot write the script. We don’t even always know what is good or bad. Sometimes it’s a matter of a person’s perspective on life and what’s truly important to them. One can only strive for the best Torah life.” Feder refers back to the halacha of reciting Baruch Dayan HaEmes upon hearing of a death, based on a Gemara in Berachos 60b in the name of Rabbi Akiva: “One must always accustom oneself to saying, ‘Everything that G-d does, He does for the best.” Rabbi Feder goes on to analyze Rabbi Akiva’s life struggles and torturous death, how he never lost his faith even under excruciating circumstances, as well as principles he gleaned from the Rambam, “we are inept at predicting the eventual outcome of events. We are inept at differentiation between what seems good and what is actually good.” While other writers might sound preachy to the point of toxic positivity, Rabbi Feder and his mother have a humble, down-to-earth style that make the advice at the end of each chapter seem like real-world solutions to psychological challenges.
“There are many good things in life you can be happy about if only you remain focused on them,” he states. “Furthermore, these practical steps can help you minimize your unhappiness by recognizing that many of life’s challenges may not be as bad as you think.”
A truly innovative chapter “The Wonder of Illness” delves into uncomfortable questions regarding why illness and death are a part of life and how to appreciate their effects on our ego and relationships. An excerpt cannot do it justice. Readers are urged to read the whole book to grasp the powerful message.
A beloved maggid shiur at Yeshiva B’nei Torah and a mathematics professor at Kingsborough Community College, Feder is also the author of “Gematria Refigured” (Mosaica Press, 2022) and the host of two thought-provoking podcasts: Physics to G-d (cohosted) and Simply Deep. Rabbi Dov Keilson and Elisheva Liss, LMFT offer insights for the foreword. All in all, Feder’s book is a gift for anyone searching for happiness, courage, and faith when life feels overwhelming. Highly recommended. n
