Brilliant in concept and exceptional in implementation, Lessons Learned From My Children, by Rabbi Boruch Oppen, offers a new paradigm in educating and raising the future generation. Comprehensively supported by divrei Chazal, the ideas presented by Rabbi Oppen, derived from the day-to-day scenarios of life, hit home and provide inspiration.
Beginning with a forward by Rabbi Moshe Hubner, the book features 50 separate lessons broken down into groups of ten. We tend to allow ourselves to gloss over what really are self-teachable moments, so these everyday life moments get overlooked by most.
The author’s way of viewing the common actions and reactions of his children is inspiring. Deeply rooted in Torah and meticulously researched, each of the lessons concludes with several questions called Points to Ponder.
Rabbi Oppen, an acclaimed educator, lecturer, and author, cites sources from Tanach, Mishnah, Gemara, Halacha, and Chazal with a healthy dose of the practical lessons learned from Pirkei Avos. Compelling in content, the book is engaging and elucidating. Demonstrating the breadth of his worldly knowledge, Rabbi Oppen cites from secular sources, including Michael Jordan.
Available in local Judaica stores and on Amazon, this book is highly recommended for anyone wanting to shift their mindset regarding their relationship with their children and with anyone with whom they interact. Presented in reader-friendly format, Lessons Learned From My Children is truly a gamechanger that will forever change the reader’s perspective about everyday events.
I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Rabbi Oppen, who graciously shared his insightful thoughts and expertise with our readers.
Rochelle Maruch Miller: Please tell us about yourself.
Rabbi Boruch Oppen: I live in Hewlett with my amazing wife, Chaya, and our four wonderful children: Daniel, Ayelet, Eliana, and Talia. I grew up in the Five Towns/Far Rockaway area, aside from a few years when my family lived in Minnesota where my parents started the Bais Yaakov of the Twin Cities. I was raised in a home where chinuch was priority. I am fortunate to have many role models involved in chinuch. My parents, grandparents on both sides, as well as uncles and aunts are all educators.
I have a master’s degree in educational leadership. I have a very close relationship with my rosh yeshiva, Rabbi Ahron Kaufman, shlita, with whom I’ve learned and from whom I’ve received semichah.
RMM: How has being an educator impacted your life?
Rabbi Oppen: Ever since I began teaching, I recognized the opportunity I had to make a difference in the lives of others using my talents. Throughout my career in education, I have taught children, teens, and adults.
RMM: “Lessons Learned From My Children” is truly a page-turner. As a parent, grandparent, and educator, I found it enjoyable, enlighteningly and refreshingly unique. What inspired you to write the book?
Rabbi Boruch Oppen: My dear wife, Chaya, has always been the backbone of my accomplishments. I began taking personal notes of different lessons that I learned from my children. I compiled quite a few notes and my wife encouraged me to put them together and publish them because of the impact it could have on others.
RMM: What was involved in bringing the concept to fruition?
Rabbi Oppen: A lot of siyata d’Shmaya, many sleepless nights, and of course, the support from my wife, familym and students. The lessons that I learned were eye-opening and it was a lot of fun finding the source of the lesson throughout Tanach and Chazal, with which my father was a major help. Rabbi Doron Kornbluth and the entire team at the Mosaica Press made the entire process enjoyable and truly worked with me to instill my thoughts, creativity, and personality in the text.
RMM: What is the back story of “Lessons Learned From my Children”?
Rabbi Oppen: Lessons Learned From My Children is based on stories and moments from which I learned valuable life lessons. These lessons didn’t come about from a rabbi or someone of high authority. These lessons were taught to me by my very own children, who have no idea of the effect they have on others. You may have shared similar experiences with your own children, and they may seem like simple and enjoyable stories; however, they pack powerful life lessons that we can all learn from.
RMM: What was your objective for writing the book?
Rabbi Oppen: Lessons Learned From My Children was written over several years, and during this time I noticed that there are many similarities in the behavior of children.
The goal of Lessons Learned From My Children is not to elaborate on any chiddushim or hidden secrets of life. I am simply conveying some of the personal lessons and precious gems that I have learned and received from my own children. I believe that a person could have a whole new perspective in life if one understood that lessons can be learned from anyone and anything, and that each individual may very well be someone else’s role model.
When there is a new player on the team, we give him a learning curve because it takes time to figure things out. There are twists and turns in every direction. So, too, when it comes to our children. Children don’t want to annoy their parents. They aren’t looking to cause harm. Rather, children are experimenting and figuring things out as they go. They are new to the team and deserve a learning curve as well. By observing their behaviors and growth, one can learn many lessons and apply them to their own life. Understanding this will bring peace of mind, body, and soul, as well as peace at home.
Lessons Learned From My Children is also meant to show that everything is connected and sourced from the Torah. Sometimes we go through life as mechanical things, day by day. We must recognize that everything that we do, especially as a Jew, has a much deeper meaning and lasting effect. The Yevanim wanted to take the kedushah of Torah away and make it “just another subject”—something for intellectual stimulation. When we acknowledge that everything is deeper than just face value, we show that we won the war. Chanukah comes from the word ‘chanoch’—educate. When we educate our children, students, or others in anything, we have to educate them through a Torah vision and perspective.
RMM: What do you consider to be the major challenge facing parents in our society?
Rabbi Oppen: Social media. Aside from the access to the content one has, even with the restrictions and filters, social media has become an addiction for many. This includes parents as well as children. When sitting at a dinner table, restaurant, or even a ball game, people are on their phones. Yes, it is used for spreading Torah and many positive messages, but the challenge is to maintain the balance by creating boundaries so one will not fall to its temptations.
RMM: How can they successfully overcome the temptation of becoming ensnared by social media?
Rabbi Oppen: Two of the many reasons people are so attached to social media is because it is an escape from reality and they have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
At the conclusion of Shemoneh Esrei we ask Hashem to remove us from evil and then we ask Hashem to open our heart to His Torah. It is the concept of “sur me rah v’aseh tov”—removing oneself from bad and instead, doing good. Removing oneself from bad is something creates a void. If we don’t fill the void with something positive, we will eventually return to fill it with negative. The reason one feels that he has to escape reality to an alternative space is because he doesn’t feel the value of where he is. Putting the phone away and not just spending time, but quality time with their children, parents will successfully overcome this challenge. Children will feel valued when they see that their parents are focused on giving them attention and are looking to build a relationship. Take your child out to eat or for ice cream without the pressure of taking the perfect picture. Play a board game at home without looking at your phone. Now that the weather is getting nice, go for a walk or go on a bike ride without listening to music. Focus on your child. Spending time with one’s child while on the phone or even watching together with one’s child is superficial bonding and won’t build a strong kesher, relationship.
This is understandably difficult in the world that we live in, where social media plays a major role. I’m not saying that social media is against the Torah, as I have one for my book @fromallmyteachers on Instagram, but there has to be awareness of how controlling it can be.
When showing your children that they’re valued, they won’t want to escape reality, because they will embrace the love and affection that you give them. When parents give quality time to their child, they fill the void of the child’s FOMO because the parents demonstrate to him that he is the priority. Spending just a few minutes of our day to focus and be fully present with our children, and continuously building on it, will lead to everlasting relationships and incredible memories.
RMM: What aspect of your profession do you find most rewarding?
Rabbi Oppen: The most rewarding aspect of my profession is the relationships built with students. Students should know that it gives tremendous chizuk to their rebbeim and morahs when they reach out, even just to say hello.
It is a wonderful feeling to see immediate growth and success with each student, but when you see them ten years later, and they have continued on the path you set them on, it is incredibly rewarding and encouraging. Even more so, a student who doesn’t show the instant growth, but years later has grown and remembers your teachings and classes, is truly uplifting.
Like a plant, we don’t see the growth right away, yet we continue to nurture it because we know the potential it holds. Eventually, with the proper care, it produces beautiful fruit.
Every tree blossoms at its own time in its own season. So, too, every child. Watching the process of growth and ultimately seeing the fruits of your labor is an incomparable reward.
RMM: What has been your greatest professional achievement thus far?
Rabbi Oppen: Opening Yeshiva Ateres Eitz Chaim together with my father. Then in the afternoons, we set our students up with an internship. The yeshiva is a boys high school with grades 9-12. There are amazing yeshivos for the academically driven student and great programs for students who need special attention or are at risk, but nothing for those in between. My father and I recognized this void in the education system where many students, unfortunately, were falling through the cracks and there was no place for them. These students would cruise through the system without the attention and nurturing they desperately need. This led us to opening our yeshiva, where we are able to give each talmid the love and attention he needs.
RMM: I’m sure that many of our readers would be interested in learning more about Yeshiva Ateres Eitz Chaim. How would you describe a typical day at the Yeshiva?
Rabbi Oppen: We begin the day with Shacharis and sedarim in limudei kodesh, then in the afternoons, we set our students up with internships in the industry of their interest. Following their internship, students return to the Yeshiva for limudei chol. We also bring in professionals from different industries to teach our talmidim various life skills such as public speaking, résumé building, CPR, electric, real estate, entrepreneurship, and many more, Our goal is to prepare our talmidim for life b’ruchniyus and b’gashmus—according to the talmid’s way.
RMM: What makes “Lessons Learned From My Children” unique?
Rabbi Oppen: There once was a tzaddik who was asked if he wanted to join his family on a trip to the zoo to see Hashem’s wonderful creations. The tzaddik politely declined, saying, “Why do I need to travel to the zoo to see Hashem’s creations when I have so many in my own backyard.”
Generally, many divrei Torah and life lessons that we learn are from great tzadikim, rabbanim, and people who know how to give inspiring speeches. This is incredible and people should continue to learn from the Gedolim and Chazal; however, one should not forget that there is so much we can learn from our own children. As the Mishnah in Avos (4:!) teaches, “Who is wise? One who learns from all people. Rabbi Ovadia M’Bartenura and others comment that this includes children. When one desires to connect to Hashem, he opens himself to learn from everyone and everything. It is a paradigm shift on one’s entire outlook on life.
This is what makes my book unique and why I included pages for notes at the end, so that readers can take the lessons learned and apply them to learning from their own children, as well as writing their own personal lessons which they have learned from their children.
RMM: What message would you like to convey to our readers.
Rabbi Oppen: My message is mikol melamdei hiskalti—from all of my teachers I have learned. It is the little things that count and the small things that make big things great. When focusing on the little things, one can truly appreciate the big things.
Recognizing that one can learn from those younger than him helps one recognize the power and influence he himself has on others. By having this perspective, we can reach tremendous levels of bein adam l’chaveiro and bein adam l’atzmo, which will ultimately enhance one’s bein adam l’Makom, building one’s emunah and diveikus ba’Hashem—connection to Hashem.
RMM: Rabbi Oppen, thank you so much for taking the time from your busy schedule to share your inspiring and elucidating thoughts. Continued Nachas from your beautiful family and hatzlacha Rabah in all your endeavors.
Rabbi Oppen: Thank you and I wish you the same.
Rochelle Maruch Miller is a contributing editor for the Five Towns Jewish Times. She is a journalist, creative media consultant, lecturer, and educator, and writes for magazines, newspapers, websites, and private clients. She welcomes your comments at Rochellemiller04@aol.com. Read more of Rochelle Miller’s articles at 5TJT.com.
