By Malkie Gordon Hirsch Magence
Some signs are quiet in nature. They’re subtle and you can miss it entirely if you don’t pay close attention. But others are so obvious that you can’t help but laugh aloud when it happens, clear as day.
It happened to me last week, on the eve of my third son’s bar mitzvah.
I was mentally running through my list of errands on Thursday, as I stopped to get my nails done in the hopes that it would provide a necessary and brief calming reprieve.
The stop after the manicure would be to pick up a gift card from Jen K (the local jeweler with the best collection) for my niece, who had designed a logo for my bar mitzvah boy and wouldn’t let us pay her.
As I sat there daydreaming, she walked in, and this moment was the first of many events that made me realize how little we know about the intricacies of time and how and why certain people run into each other when they do.
It’s the magical fairy dust moments that make me understand without a shadow of a doubt that it’s all intentional and without coincidence.
I know her not only because we have kids the same ages and in the same schools, but because she had gifted me beautiful pieces from Jen for my last 2 boys’ bar mitzvahs.
The first time it happened, she accompanied the generous gift with a heartfelt message as to why she was doing what she did.
It was written beautifully about how her grandmother had stood up to speak at her oldest brother’s bar mitzvah and announced that like many women who have a bunch of things happening at once, she was sure the mother of the bar mitzvah boy, this woman’s daughter, hadn’t stopped to get something special for herself, because of all that was required for her to take care of.
She stood up and presented her daughter with a medal of honor, a beautiful piece of jewelry that from then on, became a new tradition in their family.
And when those boys grew up and had their own families, it was then her mother’s turn to do the same for her daughters and daughters-in-law, which she did.
And for whatever reason, she decided to do the same for me.
To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. Truth be told, the last thing I thought about as I was getting ready to make my oldest son’s bar mitzvah during Covid was getting myself a nice pair of earrings.
I was just trying to survive. I was trying not to fall into the abyss of self-pity, wondering why G-d would deem me capable of making smachot by myself during a pandemic.
The thoughts about the years I’d have to do these things alone threatened to swallow me whole and I just kept grasping at things to be grateful for, and some of them were truly laughable.
I’d be relieved that enough time had elapsed from the time of his death to Dovid’s simcha so that maybe we could be happy and celebrate. Crazy, I know.
I was definitely creative when it came to seeking the silver lining of the single most tragic event we’d gone through but didn’t realize that anyone else was paying attention.
Or that they were able to see past the periphery of their own lives.
I was a story for a while and then with time, thankfully we faded into the fabric of life. The events that for some is just a story to remember from years past and for us, shaped the trajectory of our lives forever.
But this person had her eye on me and considered that maybe no one else would give me credit for holding things together as best as I could and so, she took matters into her own hands.
She called Jen, paid for a necklace, wrote a beautiful message that congratulated me for getting to this point and wanting to honor the occasion with something special just for me.
The kindness and thought put into it, the steps she had to take to get it done while running things in her own life was a brand of generosity that I felt lucky to witness.
And it wasn’t an isolated incident, either.
It happened in 2020 and 2021 for my 2 older boys’ bar mitzvahs, as Jen walked into my house with a letter and a gift.
When this woman came into the nail salon on Thursday, my initial thought was “How crazy is it that of all people in this neighborhood, this is the only other person here now on the week I’m making my next son’s bar mitzvah?”
But then I realized that it really wasn’t odd at all.
It was a sign. It was her, someone I never ran into. And it was me, the person for whom she’s been buying jewelry for years.
As we chitchatted about our respective upcoming smachot and I walked her out of the place, I piped up that it’s no coincidence that we’d meet at this time, just as bar mitzvah time rolled around for us yet again.
We spoke for a few minutes more about her continued ability to give to those not because of their need, but because of her desire to honor them.
It included other friends, but I knew I was one of those people as well.
And instead of feeling too proud or being ashamed, I decided to allow her to be a giver. I thought about Rachelle Fraenkel’s quote to never deny someone the opportunity to do what they need to do for others and to not let pride get in the way of allowing them to do the deeds that they’re meant to do.
And as we parted, we blessed each other—for me to have continued happiness and self-reliance in life, for no longer needing others the way I did before I got remarried, and for her to always having the ability to be the giver in life.
I ran to Jen, told her the story about what had just happened, got my gift card, and ran onto my next errand.
And unbeknownst to me, my giving friend called Jen and ordered my third medal of honor to mark the occasion of Yosef’s bar mitzvah.
Not because of any other reason than her understanding that there was a reason we ran into each other.
In my active imagination, I think it’s Moshe sending her as his shaliach to deliver a gift for him. The same way he used to message Jen directly and have her message me to come pick something out.
Maybe it’s his way of thanking me for not giving up when I thought the series of events that we went through were too much for me to handle.
Or maybe it’s just me having the opportunity to be the recipient of the absolute best in people.
Either way, I feel grateful to experience both the quiet subtle signs, the more obvious ones, and the berachah of seeing the best that people have to offer.
Malkie Gordon Hirsch Magence is a native of the Five Towns community, a mom of 5, a writer, and a social media influencer.