Celebrating Pesach with loved ones is an emotionally and spiritually enriching experience that creates memories to last a lifetime. For families separated by distance throughout the year, spending yom tov together provides a plethora of opportunities for multigenerational bonding and sharing nachas in real time. Moreover, it is an opportunity for adult children to take note of any changes they perceive in their elderly parents, whether it be physical, mental, or any other issue of concern.
More precious than diamonds, our elderly parents are our treasures. Inculcating us with Torah values, they inspire us by the lives they lead and raise us with unconditional love. They gave us life and deserve to be treated with love, respect, and dignity. May we be zocheh to celebrate the yom tovim and simchas together with our loved ones in the best of health ad meah v’esrim shanah. From my family to you and yours, best wishes for a chag kasher v’sameach and bouquets of beautiful berochos.
Please clip and save this article for future reference.
We live at a time when we can instantly communicate with family members and friends, even from a distance, using a few mouse clicks or taps on a touchscreen. But despite advances in cutting-edge communication technology and the increasing connectedness it brings, loneliness represents a major public health risk. Former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy placed a spotlight on America’s issue with loneliness, calling it, “The Epidemic of Loneliness.” In a letter written in 2023, Dr. Murthy introduced an urgent advisory that loneliness “is more than just a bad feeling” and represents a major public health risk for both individuals and society.
Aging brings additional changes that can contribute to a solitary life. One of the biggest issues for seniors is that their social circles begin to shrink. On the one hand, retiring grants older adults more time for hobbies and relaxation, but it also puts an end to meaningful interactions with colleagues on a regular basis. Additionally, beloved family members may move away or pass away.
Even those who live close by may be difficult to meet with in person due to changes in mobility. This is especially true when a senior stops driving for safety reasons. Age-related conditions, such as hearing loss and eye diseases, can also make it so difficult to communicate that it just doesn’t seem worth the effort anymore.
Embarrassment can be a factor as well. Many older adults living with chronic medical conditions, such as hearing loss and eye conditions not only face logistical challenges when it comes to leaving the house, but they may also feel insecure about these “obvious” signs of aging. Incontinence is a common concern that can complicate an elder’s social life, while the use of durable medical equipment like mobility aids can affect their self-confidence.
Sadly, a modern trend is the breakdown of extended family relationships like those between grandparents and grandchildren. This has caused many elderly people to feel as though they have been “pushed to the side” and forgotten about. Family units that have spread across the country find it particularly difficult to make time for visits and even regular communication by phone, mail, or email.
A lack of fulfilling personal relationships doesn’t just affect one’s mental and emotional health; in fact, it can also take a toll on one’s physical health. A 2018 meta-physical analysis of 35 research articles that measured loneliness and mortality confirmed that feeling lonely is a risk factor for all-cause mortality in both men and women.
Another study conducted by researchers from the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF) found that adults 60 years old and older who reported feeling lonely were at higher risk for functional decline in addition to the increased risk of death. This decline manifested specifically in participants’ abilities to perform activities of daily living (ADLs)—the basic tasks (bathing, dressing, transferring, continence, and eating) that are necessary for truly independent living. In other words, unchecked loneliness has the potential to jeopardize an elder’s ability to live independently and accelerate their need for assistance from a caregiver or other source of long-term care.
During this celebratory time together, you may notice changes in your loved ones’ physical appearance, emotional state, behavior, interactions with others, or the condition of their home. These changes may be early warning signs indicating that they may need assistance to continue living independently while staying safe and healthy.
Below are some warning signs that your loved ones might need additional support at home.
Behavioral changes: bouts of sadness, anger, lack of interest in activities they used to enjoy, disengaging, or changes in memory acuity.
Changes in the Home Environment: You may notice that the house is in disarray, messier or more cluttered than usual. Dirty dishes and laundry piling up could be a sign of decline in an elderly parent. Scorched cookware could indicate that they are forgetting when something is cooking on the stove until it burns. Expired food in the refrigerator is also a red flag of a possible safety issue. It may be an indication of physical illness that has not yet manifested.
“Daily activities that in the past were easily handled may now be challenging, or even overwhelming. This may be a sign that a parent is in fact struggling, even if they are not telling you directly that they need assistance,” says Jacob Plotsker, who, together with Joseph “J.B.” Bensmihen and Henry Bensmihen, are at the helm of Bridgewater Home Care, a premier Florida-based home health care company. “Or it may be an indication of a medical condition that needs attention.”
Lack of Grooming: If your parent isn’t practicing self-care like they used to, it could be a sign of depression or memory changes, a reaction to a medication, or a change in their physical ability to take care of oneself.
Medication Misuse: Are they intentionally or unintentionally ignoring doctors’ recommendations? Are they remembering to take the right medication at the right dose at the prescribed time? You may have them compare the number of pills prescribed in a bottle and how many of them have been taken to gain valuable insight into whether medications are being taken as prescribed. If you have concerns, help with medication management may be needed.
Unpaid Bills: Unopened mail, bounced checks, late payment notices, and expired vehicle registrations could be signs of concern.
Physical Frailty: Pay attention to how your elderly parents navigate their living area and perform basic tasks. “The parent may seem clumsy and often drop things and even have an altered gait,” said Patricia Moore, a full-time caregiver. “For example, is this someone who used to walk robustly, and is now noticeably less steady on their feet, or are confining themselves to their home and are not comfortable going outside for a walk? These signs can be hard to recognize at first because they can easily be written off as stemming from tiredness or stress—especially if the family doesn’t want to accept that something may be wrong.”
Increased Confusion: Some cognitive signs manifest themselves in increased confusion with everyday tasks, such as putting groceries away or making their beds. If their response to these lapses is emotional upset, this could be a sign that this is more than just regular forgetfulness that can happen to anyone doing everyday tasks.
Changes in Mood: A shift in moods with both familiar and new people may point to pain or struggle with chronic conditions that they don’t want to share but which might require medical attention.
If you notice physical declines that concern you, there’s a good chance that your parent does, as well. Ask them about it. Say, “Have you noticed any changes with your memory? This is what I’m seeing. Do you see that?” The same applies to significant changes or declines in self-care, such as bathing, grooming, dressing, or eating habits. Even if changes appear to be subtle, such as momentarily forgetting names, or where they have placed an item, it might require further observation and discussion with the family member about what they should be concerned about.”
“Self-determination and respect are very important factors at all stages of life,” noted Joseph Bensmihen, CEO of Bridgewater Home Care. “Involving the person in the discussion and letting them guide their care is a part of communicating their value to you as a person and as a treasured family member.”
The most important thing you can do for your aging loved one is to prioritize time with them, engage them as much as possible and show support for their well-being. A doctor should be sought immediately for declines that impact your loved one’s mobility or ability to carry out basic household and self-care tasks. If declines are less severe, but you notice ongoing struggles with memory or mental health, checking in with a medical provider is still a good idea.
“Spending time with your parents during the holidays will give you important insights into how they are doing. It helps to identify issues of loneliness, anxiety, and depression and can provide a window into what may be going on with them physically and cognitively in their day-to-day lives,” Jacob Plotsker, Founder and Co-Owner of Bridgewater Home Care, explained.
If your loved one is feeling socially isolated or lonely, use some of the tips below to help them feel more connected and supported.
Listen and Observe
“We often don’t listen enough to the people we love,” says Dr. Tina Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist and author of The Ten Smartest Decisions A Woman Can Make After Forty.
According to Dr. Tessina, “Saying ‘Tell me more.’ is one of the most heartfelt gifts you can give your aging parent. Encouraging someone you care about to express themselves can help you discover what they’re thinking and feeling and what interests lie dormant, just waiting to be released.”
She adds, “Keep in mind that these once-loved activities may no longer interest them or fit their abilities. Do your best to help them discover ways to adapt these hobbies or find new pastimes together. When family members and caregivers actively listen to older adults tell stories of their past, they may feel more like they are still part of active life. This type of validation can help blunt the sharp edge of loneliness.”
“There is much we can do to make our elderly parents feel loved and valued,” says Henry Bensmihen. “We can look for ways to help them interact with others and feel truly useful. We can actively listen when they feel like talking, engage, and show genuine interest. Helping to mitigate the damaging effects of loneliness and isolation can ultimately contribute to better overall health and quality of life for our aging loved ones and us. All it takes is that first step to get started.”
Bridgewater Home Care provides verified, credentialed, compassionate, and highly qualified caregivers to meet the varied needs of clients throughout South Florida. Unique in concept, the company’s goal is to provide the level of customized care needed by a client to continue living within the comfort of their own home or assisted living facility (ALF) and age gracefully. Headed by a team of consummate professionals, each of whom is a ben Torah, Bridgewater Home Care honors every client with the highest level of care, compassion, dignity, and respect.”
For further information and a complimentary consultation, please call 561-922-0035 or visit bridgewaterhomecare.com.
Rochelle Maruch Miller is a contributing editor for the Five Towns Jewish Times. She is a journalist, creative media consultant, lecturer, and educator, and writes for magazines, newspapers, websites, and private clients. She welcomes your comments at Rochellemiller04@aol.com. Read more of Rochelle Miller’s articles at 5TJT.com.
