More Than Just Words

Every year begins with the same chorus: be grateful, be aligned, change your mindset, change your life, be intentional. These words swirl around social media, show up in self-help books, and are preached from pulpits and podcasts. They sound inspiring. But if you sit with them too long, they can start to feel hollow. What does it really mean to align? How do you suddenly shift your mindset after decades of thinking a certain way? Is gratitude a feeling, or is it something we can practice even when we do not feel it?

This week, I found myself living inside these questions. Out of nowhere, something epic and exciting came together with my sisters and my daughter. A random and spontaneous plan to do something big and memorable. Even my older sister, who never does things like this, surprised us by saying yes. She shook her head and said, “It’s Elul and almost Rosh Hashanah. It’s crazy to go now, but let’s just do it and make a memory.”

And somehow, we all made it work. The schedules, the kids, the responsibilities, it all fell into place as if to say, yes, you can do this. That was the pull we could not ignore. Life is short. Our mother died young, and that loss has always pushed us to chase after memories, to grab experiences even when they feel unreachable. To remind ourselves that we are here now, so why not just do it? And as a family unit, we never usually do things like this. It felt like it was going to be one of those forever memories. So, when it was cancelled, I was left wondering, now what? When will we ever have that chance again?

All around us, people were saying the same things. Change your life. Make this year the best one yet. Make memories. Start fresh. The language is everywhere, yet sometimes it feels just like language. Nice words. Buzz words. But what happens when you actually try to live them?

As the day got closer, I felt the tension building. After a long summer I was already craving calm, structure, and rhythm again. Anyone who knows me knows I am a layered person. I have an obsession with planners, fresh notebooks, and color-coded lists. September feels like my personal holiday because it means new pens, new calendars, and a chance to start again. But there is another side of me too. I thrive on adventure. I love the high of spontaneity and the rush of doing something exciting just because. So, I am constantly balancing these two sides, the structured planner and the restless adventurer.

That is why this trip felt like it fit perfectly. A new year, new adventure. Something that would sit side by side with the fresh planners and sharpened pencils. But deep down, I wondered: Was this the right time? Was I forcing an adventure when what I really needed was routine?

And then, at the last minute, it was cancelled.

At first, I was disappointed, but almost immediately, another feeling rose up: relief. A deep exhale I had not even realized I was holding. Because, if I’m honest with myself, it was not the right time. I did not need epic. I needed pause. And when I stopped fighting that reality, I saw the hidden gift in the cancellation: the gift of space, time to reset, recharge, and breathe.

That moment taught me more than any buzz word. Alignment is not always about chasing what sounds exciting. Sometimes it’s about recognizing what season you’re in and choosing what fits. Intention is not only about saying yes to everything big and memorable. Sometimes it’s about choosing presence over pressure. Gratitude is not just about celebrating when things go according to plan. It’s about finding peace when they do not go to plan.

And here is what that actually looks like. Alignment might mean noticing that you can’t do it all in one day and choosing to let the laundry wait. Intention might mean taking a breath before barking at your kids to get their shoes on when you are already late for school drop-off. Gratitude might mean shifting your perspective when you are sitting in traffic and telling yourself this is a moment to listen to music or call a friend instead of spiraling in frustration. These words live in the small decisions, not the big speeches.

Research backs this up. Studies show that people who practice gratitude consistently experience 25% higher happiness levels, stronger immune systems, and less anxiety and depression. Gratitude is not simply writing down three things you are thankful for. It’s about learning to notice what you would normally overlook. The smile your child gives you at pickup. The fact that your car started on a freezing morning. The strange relief when plans are cancelled and you suddenly have space in your day. Gratitude changes not just what you see, but how you live.

“Change your mindset, change your life” is another phrase that sounds like a magic trick. Mindsets do not change overnight. They shift in the smallest of ways. A mindset shift is when you stop saying “I am terrible at this” and start saying “I am learning.” It’s when you stop comparing yourself to the neighbor who seems ten steps ahead and start comparing yourself to who you were last year. Research from Stanford shows that people with a growth mindset, the belief that you can improve with effort, are more resilient, more successful, and more willing to keep trying. Life does not change because everything outside of you changes. Life changes because the voice inside changes.

As Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur approach, these ideas take on deeper meaning. The holidays are also filled with words, prayers, confessions, and lofty intentions for the year ahead. But Judaism has always taught us that words alone are not enough. On Rosh Hashanah we crown Hashem our King, but then we are asked, how will we live differently this year? On Yom Kippur, we confess, but the Rambam reminds us that teshuvah is not complete until you are faced with the same situation again and choose differently. That is alignment. That is intention. That is gratitude in real time.

So, maybe the buzz words are not useless. They are just unfinished. They are the headlines, but we need to write the paragraphs underneath. Without that, they are just noise. With practice, with reflection, with honesty, they become real.

We do not need new words. We need to live the ones we already have. To live aligned may mean choosing rest over rushing into something that does not fit your season. To live intentionally may mean showing up at the dinner table without your phone. To be grateful may mean catching one good thing when plans fall through.

As Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur approach, we are not being asked to turn into brand new people overnight. We are being asked to take the same people we are and make one better choice at a time. That is how buzz words become real. That is how slogans become life. That’s when words become reality. n

Tamara Gestetner is a certified mediator, psychotherapist, and life and career coach based in Cedarhurst. She helps individuals and couples navigate relationships, career transitions, and life’s uncertainties with clarity and confidence. Through mediation and coaching, she guides clients in resolving conflicts, making tough decisions, and creating meaningful change. Tamara is now taking questions and would love to hear what’s on your mind—whether it’s about life, career, relationships, or anything in between. She can be reached at 646-239-5686 or via email at [email protected]. Please visit TamaraGestetner.com to learn more.