New School Year, Old WhatsApp Chats

By Malkie Gordon Hirsch Magence

It’s that season again—the season of starting fresh.

Your kid wakes up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for the first day. His shirt is even buttoned in the right buttonholes, and he’s wearing what might be the only pair of still-white sport socks in his drawer.

Don’t fall for the trap, though. This show of togetherness is all the energy he’s got in that tiny body. By the end of the week, he’ll be walking out with one sneaker because the other is wedged under his bed. Just watch.

Meanwhile, you’re already trying to figure out how to be in three places at once—depending on how many school-aged kids you have.

And a message to all preschools out there: just take them for the full day, for the love of G-d. We don’t need to tack on an extra hour each day for a week. Sure, it teaches kids that life is full of surprises—but most of them we could definitely do without.

School is all day. Have fun and deal with it. Honestly, I really should’ve been a teacher. I’m so good at this.

And let’s not forget the grand reopening of that magical establishment that keeps your kids all day, teaches them how to be a mensch (and maybe a little math), and stretches it out for roughly nine hours.

Also—friendly reminder—if you haven’t done this yet, it’s already time to sign your kids up for summer camp 2026.

Yes, really. Don’t delay. Spots vanish faster than snacks in the nosh cabinet.

Last night my son announced he was excited for school because he was bored at home. I rubbed my hands together, cackled quietly, and thought: Excellent. The plan is working. Bwa-ha-ha-ha.

Because here’s the truth: no matter how many outings we plan or activities we juggle, kids thrive on routine. And I, for one, have zero interest in creating that routine. I didn’t major in education or hospitality, and I have no plans to moonlight as a concierge. That’s what the school calendar and teachers are for.

So here we are, back to reigniting those parent WhatsApp chats we somehow survived without a decade ago. You know the ones—where we helicopter our kids into school with the same overpriced backpack, the same pants, and enough branded school “swag” (did we even call it swag back in the day?) to trick them into thinking they actually want to return to the place they bolted from in June with wild abandon.

The questions that flood those chats in week one are comedy gold:

“When’s the last day of school?”

“Can someone drive my kid to the school event? We live in Brooklyn/Great Neck/West Hempstead.”

“When’s winter break again?”

“Does anyone have the lunch menu?”

And then… there’s the school bus chat.

Pure chaos. It’s as if the bus company has a personal vendetta against parents.

Wait—they do?

Oh, okay then. Makes sense now.

Routes start at absurd hours, half the kids miss pickup, and suddenly carpool duty becomes every parent’s problem. Nothing like the first-day bus fiasco to really set the tone for the year.

Still, despite the morning jitters, I’m here to report: I’ve spent the last hour in a catatonic position on my couch, soaking in the quiet.

And honestly? I plan to savor it just a little longer before facing the day. 

Malkie Gordon Hirsch Magence is a native of the Five Towns community, a mom of five, a writer, and a social media influencer.