Sending Your Teen To Israel: Emotional and Practical Tips for a Successful Year
Sending your child to Israel for a year of seminary or yeshiva is a milestone filled with pride, excitement, and likely a healthy dose of nerves. The year offers incredible opportunities for growth and independence, as well as the chance to deepen their connection to Torah and Judaism. It also brings challenges that both you and your teen will need to navigate.
Beyond the packing lists and the travel details, it’s the emotional side of a year in Israel that can be the toughest. The beginning of the year is usually the bumpiest, both for your teen adjusting to something new, and for you learning how to be there for them while they’re physically far away.
Homesickness is normal and many teens initially feel unsettled, overwhelmed, and may even question their choice of school. Once they’ve made connections and settled into routines, many students find their footing and begin to feel comfortable only by November or December. Normalizing this adjustment period before they leave helps prevent discouragement when reality doesn’t immediately match their expectations. If your child expresses doubts or unhappiness, listen without shutting down the conversation and gently remind them that adjustment takes time. While most teens adjust over time, some find that the environment isn’t the right fit for them, and it’s important to be attentive to those signals.
If your teen is persistently miserable beyond the initial adjustment period or if you notice signs that their emotional, social, or spiritual well-being are being compromised, it’s worth taking these concerns seriously. Consider factors such as whether the school environment aligns with your child’s values and needs, whether there are trusted staff members they can turn to for support, and whether the distress seems to be about the transition itself or about a deeper mismatch. While perseverance is important, so is recognizing when a different environment may better allow your child to thrive. If making a switch is financially possible for your family, it is worth exploring; if not, parents can still validate their child’s feelings and work with them and the school to find creative solutions and additional support.
FYI, it is not only teens who struggle during this transition period, parents do as well. Hearing your child sounding unhappy, stressed, or homesick from thousands of miles away can be incredibly difficult, and it is natural to feel helpless. Try to listen with empathy and validation without immediately rushing to problem-solve or panicking yourself. Remember that a difficult phone call does not necessarily mean your child is failing to adjust; often, children reserve their hardest moments for parents because they trust you, while their day-to-day life may actually be going much more smoothly. It can help to lean on your own support system such as friends, family, or other parents who have gone down this path so you are not carrying the emotional weight alone. Managing your own stress allows you to be a sturdy and reassuring presence for your child while they work through theirs.
Encourage your teen to remember that everyone’s growth looks different. Some students seem to be happy and thriving, but appearances can be misleading. Many are also struggling quietly. Remind your child not to compare himself to others, but to focus on his or her own journey, trusting that their adjustment will unfold in its own time.
Another important message is to stay true to oneself. Teens may feel pressured to fit in or do things they are uncomfortable with just because everyone else is doing them. This doesn’t only apply to social choices; it can also show up in spiritual growth. Some students experience a dramatic religious shift early on, while others take longer to process, question, and integrate what they’re learning. Both paths are valid. Reinforce that it’s okay, and even healthier to make choices and grow at their own pace, even if it looks different from their peers. Many teens worry that if they don’t come back at the end of their year “looking different,” people will think they wasted their year. Remind your child that they don’t have to “flip out” in order to have gained something meaningful. Real growth is personal, and it happens in many different ways.
Encouraging healthy coping skills is crucial. Talk openly about ways to manage stress such as journaling, movement/exercise, leaning on friends, and knowing when to reach out for support. Reinforce that asking for help is a sign of strength and maturity, not weakness. Avoid rushing in to solve every problem for your teen; rescuing them from their stress deprives them of the opportunity to develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of agency and independence.
{Navigating Body Image, Eating Disorders, and Food Culture
A year in Israel offers many exciting experiences, but it can also bring pressures, especially around body image and food. In some circles, “body talk” (conversations about weight, dieting, and appearance) is common. Added to this is stress around the “Sem70” cultural myth that says girls will gain around 70 pounds during their year (similar to the Freshman15). This myth disproportionately affects girls and can heighten anxiety and stress around food and exercise. Parents should be aware of this cultural narrative so they can help their child approach their year with a focus on wellness, self-care, and confidence rather than numbers or societal expectations. Unfortunately, many seminaries and yeshivas have yet to proactively address these issues, despite their prevalence and seriousness.
For teens who have struggled with body image, food anxieties, or disordered eating, the socially intense environment can be challenging and may exacerbate unhealthy patterns or even trigger full-blown eating disorders. Parents should have open and compassionate conversations before their child leaves. Encourage your teen to know that they have the right to opt out of harmful conversations and they do not have to engage in weight-focused or food-shaming discussions. Instead, they should focus on how they feel in their own body, moving in ways they enjoy, eating foods that nourish and energize them, while avoiding obsessive or restrictive thinking.
It’s also important for parents to model healthy boundaries around these topics. Avoid making body comments, either on the phone or in person, or if you are in the process of losing weight, refrain from sharing it with your teen. Keeping these conversations to yourself helps your child feel safe and supported in their own body.
If your child has a history of weight-loss struggles, consider arranging support from a therapist or dietitian before they leave for Israel and ensure they know how to access help while there. Proactive preparation can make a lasting difference in their well-being during this important year.
Students in Israel will encounter new levels of freedom, which makes it important to talk openly about alcohol, drugs, and nightlife (yes, even if you’ve had these conversations with them over the years). Be clear and direct about your expectations and the risks involved. Help them think through how they’ll handle peer pressure and make safe choices in unfamiliar settings. Discuss how to navigate new social situations, set boundaries, and trust their instincts. Remind them that it’s always okay to remove themselves from any environment where they feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
It’s also critical to follow all school rules. Make sure your teen understands that if they break major rules, there could be real consequences, including the possibility of being sent home. As a parent, it’s natural to want to step in and fix things, but part of helping your teen grow is allowing them to take responsibility for their choices. Emphasizing this ahead of time helps them understand the importance of accountability while still knowing they have your guidance and support.
Safety also applies to one’s emotional and spiritual life. One of the most meaningful parts of a year in seminary or yeshiva is the opportunity to learn from inspiring teachers and mentors. These relationships can be transformative, but it is important for your teen to understand the difference between healthy mentorship and unhealthy dependence. Rabbis and spiritual guides are there to teach, advise. and support, not to replace your child’s own critical thinking or to make decisions for them. A respectful relationship does not require worship or obsession. Encourage your teen to seek guidance, but also to remember that it is healthy, and even preferable, to think for themselves, maintain perspective, and have multiple sources of support.
At the same time, it’s worth reminding your teen that healthy boundaries are part of any mentorship. Teachers should not be texting or messaging outside of school channels, meeting alone with students in private spaces, or forming overly personal relationships. Setting and respecting these boundaries helps your teen feel safe and ensures the relationship remains focused on guidance and learning.
Lastly, establish a communication rhythm that feels balanced for both of you. Too much checking in can increase homesickness and interfere with your teen’s social life, as time spent on the phone with parents is time not spent forming new friendships. Too little contact, on the other hand, may cause a lot of stress and anxiety. Finding a healthy middle ground helps your teen build independence while staying connected, and allows both parent and child to feel supported without impeding their social life.
One of the most basic steps to ease the transition and avoid unnecessary stress when they land is helping your teen pack smartly. Flights get delayed and luggage can be lost, so it’s essential that they have a small overnight carry-on bag with the basics: a change of clothes, pajamas, toiletries, a phone charger, and any medications or essentials they might need during the first few days. This simple step will ensure they won’t be scrambling if their suitcase doesn’t arrive on time.
Another helpful tip is to pack a lightweight sleeping bag or travel sheet set, which can come in handy in the event of missing luggage, but also while visiting families over Shabbat. They should keep their sleep sack in their carry-on for easy access.
Learning to manage a budget builds independence and confidence. Even if your family can fully fund your teen’s expenses, teaching them to live within a set budget is an invaluable life skill. For many, the year in Israel is their first taste of financial independence, as they may be buying food, paying for Shabbat gifts, going out with friends, visiting the mall, and making daily spending decisions without parental oversight. A budget encourages them to think ahead, make trade-offs, and distinguish between needs and wants. It also fosters mindfulness in a world full of instant purchases and peer pressure. When teens ask themselves, “Do I want to spend my money on this now, or save it for something later?” they are not just managing money, they are practicing decision-making, patience, and self-control. These skills will serve them well beyond their gap year, into college, careers, and adulthood.
Both the emotional and practical preparations are stepping stones toward the same goal: helping your child grow into independence while feeling anchored in your love and support.
A successful year in Israel is about more than academics or religious growth. It is also a powerful opportunity to build life skills, resilience, and self-reliance. Teens often form lasting friendships, learn to navigate new environments, gain confidence, and develop decision-making skills and emotional resilience by managing different challenges and homesickness. By preparing your teen beforehand and equipping them with practical tools and emotional awareness, you help them embrace this year as a time of growth, learning, and becoming confident, capable young adults. n
Rachel Tuchman, LMHC, is a licensed therapist in private practice. She not only treats a variety of mental-health concerns but also shares psychoeducation via her social media platform, public speaking, and online courses. You can learn more about Rachel’s work at RachelTuchman.com and follow her on Instagram @rachel_tuchman_lmhc.
