December 16, Rambam Hospital, Haifa—The complex story of Yosef and his brothers is a study in sibling rivalry, simmering family tensions, and fractured relationships. It showcases the toxic effects of unresolved conflict, favoritism, and jealousy, which slowly erode the family’s unity. This tragic chapter in our history is a powerful reminder of how destructive unchecked jealousy and a lack of communication can be to a family.

However, this saga is also a story of two specific brothers: Yosef and Yehuda, who emerge as the dominant contenders for leadership of our nascent nation. Over the next few parshiyot, these two figures will wrestle with each other for the mantle of leadership. In the climactic moment of this epic, Yehuda directly challenges Yosef, demanding freedom for his brothers.

Long term, each of these two strong personalities is destined to establish a branch of Jewish monarchy. Numerous monarchs will emerge from Yosef’s descendants, while the primary royal lineage of our nation will trace back to the house of Yehuda.

Surprisingly, the arcs of these two brothers are quite bizarre. Yosef is despised by his brothers, stolen from his father, sold into slavery multiple times, and is ultimately incarcerated in a dungeon. Not exactly the storyline you would expect for someone destined for leadership.

Yehuda’s arc is equally unconventional and unsettling. He takes a foreign wife with whom he bears three children. Two of them pass away prematurely, and afterwards, Yehuda ignores his widowed daughter-in-law. Ultimately, he mistakenly has relations with her, which results in her becoming pregnant with twin boys. She is nearly executed for her perceived crimes until Yehuda comes clean and confesses to being the father.

These are very strange accounts for individuals who will eventually lead our nation. Evidently, these future leaders must confront real-life challenges, and the trials and scandals they endure along the walk of life will teach them hard lessons about leadership.

In Your Dreams

Yosef is a dynamic personality with natural charisma. He possesses striking looks, flashy clothing, and effortlessly attracts everyone within his radius. He is a man of grand vision, dreaming of glory and greatness. Convinced that his dreams will serve the greater good and shape Jewish history, he speaks about them openly, hoping to influence and persuade others regarding his innate talent and potential.

What he fails to realize is that leadership is not about materializing your own dreams or imposing your will and vision on others. Leadership isn’t about influencing others to adopt your ideals, but helping others to achieve their own dreams and hopes. At the beginning of Vayeishev, Yosef dreams of himself at the center, but by the end, of the parashah, he becomes part of other people’s dreams. Only after being thrown into prison does he learn the art of listening to others’ dreams and helping them make sense of their own personal aspirations and desires. In that dark, dank prison, he finally becomes part of someone else’s story.

Hard Times

In prison, he also realizes that not everyone has the luxury of dreaming about their future success. Yosef’s dreams are grandiose and atmospheric. He witnesses his family collecting the grain and cashing in on their material success while he stands in the middle.

He also dreams of planets orbiting in the heavens, envisioning his own meteoric power and influence. His dreams inhabit a rarefied, higher plane, far removed from the drudgery and monotony of everyday life. His dreams are rooted in success, power, and the pursuit of greatness.

In prison, he meets people who have fallen on hard times, who have been given a rough turn in life and feel stuck in the mud. The two prisoners are former members of the royal court who have fallen from grace, and are grappling with the sting of being cast out and forgotten.

The prisoners Yosef meets don’t dream of stars or material abundance but just of finding some purpose in life, a way to redeem themselves from emptiness. Not everyone’s life is rosy and cheery. People suffer hardships and setbacks as they navigate an unforgiving world.

Until Yosef learns to listen to other people’s dreams, he cannot become a leader. Likewise, until he realizes how hard some people have it, he cannot be a leader.

Leadership has nothing to do with influence or popularity. Just because you speak into a microphone doesn’t make you a leader. In the world of social media, it is relatively easy for people to grab megaphones and self-deputize as “pretend leaders.” Leadership resides in the quiet empathy that flows from understanding the struggles of others and the courage to embrace dreams that are not your own.

Do you uplift the dreams and aspirations of others, or do you merely leverage their attention to serve your own ambitions? This is the hard lesson that Yosef must learn in prison before he can become a true leader.

Spare Parts

Yehuda must learn a different lesson. Devoid of dreams himself, he has no need to learn the art of nurturing the dreams of others. Instead, he must recognize that people are fragile, marked by both moments of strength and episodes of vulnerability. Even saints sin, and everyone has a dark side to them. Human beings mustn’t be held to impossibly high standards—even great people will have their moments of weakness.

Yehuda can only learn this lesson by experiencing his own moral hiccups. Though he becomes ensnared in an unseemly tale, he redeems himself by taking full responsibility for his missteps, despite the personal dishonor it brings. He learns that leadership consists in tolerating others and their imperfections rather than holding them to impossible standards.

Had he learned this lesson earlier, perhaps he would have been more magnanimous toward Yosef. He would have appreciated the sincerity of Yosef’s aspirations, even while realizing how toxic and dangerous runaway ambition can be. Likewise, had he appreciated human fragility, Yehuda would have better understood the pain and anguish of his daughter-in-law, who was twice widowed, rather than blaming her or casting her as a black widow.

Leadership means tolerating other people’s failures, exhibiting patience when people stumble and trusting in their ability to recover. Yehuda must visit his own inner darkness to understand the darkness that resides in every human soul.

Truth and Reckoning

Yehuda must also confront the painful lesson of honesty, even when it comes at a personal cost. Trust is the cornerstone of all relationships and the foundation of leadership. Without being trustworthy and holding oneself to a personal code of honor, a person has no right to influence or affect the lives of others. People follow those who embody integrity and possess a moral compass.

Yehuda exemplifies this honesty and integrity when he chooses to shame himself rather than let an innocent woman carry their dark secret to her grave. In doing so, he earns the trust of everyone around him. They place their confidence in him to navigate the difficult crises ahead. Yaakov will trust him to travel with Binyamin to free Shimon from prison, and the brothers will trust him to serve as their representative in prosecuting for their collective freedom. Without unwavering honesty and a life grounded in integrity, one forfeits the right to lead.

Yosef and Yehuda each embark on their own personal odyssey toward leadership. Yosef learns to shift the focus from his own dreams to the aspirations of others. Along his journey, he also discovers that life is not always bright and carefree, and he learns to empathize with the struggles of ordinary people who face hardship, disillusionment, and displacement.

Along his own journey to leadership, Yehuda learns that human beings are naturally imperfect, and therefore people should not be harshly judged for their flaws and limitations. Additionally, he realizes that without honesty and integrity, he should not be taking decisions on behalf of others.

Rabbi Michael Taragin is a rabbi at the hesder pre-military Yeshivat Har Etzion/Gush, with YU ordination and a master’s in English literature from CUNY. His most recent book, Reclaiming Redemption: Deciphering the Maze of Jewish History (Mosaica Press), is available in bookstores or at www.reclaimingredemption.com.