What Teens Want Their Parents To Know

What Teens Want Their Parents To Know

By: Mia Kaplowitz, Leila Makowsky, Tamar Jansenson

These reflections were written by Shulamith High School students during a three-day internship at Heartful Mental Health, under the guidance of Aliza Tropper, LMHC. The students got a behind-the-scenes look at what it’s like to work in the mental health field, had meaningful discussions about teen mental health, and helped spread mental health awareness throughout the Five Towns.

To explore similar internship opportunities for your school or class, please contact Aliza at [email protected] or @alizathetherapist.

Growing up in today’s world can be both exciting and challenging, especially for teenagers who are trying to balance their social life, while also trying to discover their identities. However, these years are not just hard for the teenagers, but also for parents trying to support them through a time of rapid change. Misunderstandings between parents and children are common, but they don’t have to define the relationship. With open communication and a few practical strategies, both parents and teens can find ways to strengthen their relationship. In this article, we’ll share helpful tips to support parents in guiding their teens, and advice for teens to better understand their parents.

What teens want parents to know:

1. Teens want independence as they get older, but they still want support. Let your teens make decisions for themselves but also guide them along the way.

2. Although teens may seem distant, parents’ advice and opinions matter greatly to them. Letting them know you are proud of their accomplishments will help them thrive.

3. Respect goes both ways, and teens want to feel some level of respect from their parents. They want their opinions, boundaries, and privacy to be taken seriously. When parents model respect, teens are more likely to reciprocate.

4. Teens want to feel like they can mess up without fear of harsh judgment. They need a safe space to be able to make mistakes. Harsh punishment or constant criticism from parents will lead them to stop communicating.

5. When teens open up about something hard that’s going on in their life, they don’t always want a solution or advice on how to fix the problem. Sometimes, all they want is comfort and validation.

6. Teens notice how their parents treat themselves and learn from it. If a parent is constantly self-critical, overly stressed, or dismissive of mental health, teens may mirror those habits. Modeling self-care sets a powerful example.

7. Mental health is a real thing and teens want their parents to take it seriously. Teenagers need their parents to know that their emotional struggles are real, not brushed off as “just a phase” or “teen drama.”

What parents want teens to know:

1. Teens need to remember that it is also their parents’ first time living, and even if they say something that seems insensitive it’s because they are human, and it doesn’t mean they don’t care. Parents worry because they care. It doesn’t mean they don’t trust their teenager. They worry because they want to keep you safe and out of harm’s way, so even when you can’t see the danger, they are protective because their teens’ well-being matters the most to them.

2. Just like we mentioned with teens, respect goes both ways. They deserve respect even when their child is upset with them, and they shouldn’t have to constantly ask for it.

3. The words you say and the tone you use really matter. Being rude, dismissive, or closed off isn’t just disrespectful; it can hurt a parent’s feelings just like it would any other person. Just like you wouldn’t purposely interrupt your friend, don’t interrupt a parent.

4. Parents don’t expect perfection, just effort and honesty. Parents are aware that mistakes are inevitable, and at the end of the day what matters is that teens try their hardest, tell the truth, and take responsibility for their actions.

5. The little things you do don’t go unnoticed. Sometimes parents get busy or forget to say it, but they appreciate what you do for them even if it is something small like helping carry in the groceries.

6. Parents want a relationship with their teenagers, not just rules. Rules are important and necessary, but what is most important is connection. They want teenagers to feel safe coming to them—not just obeying the rules. That connection matters more than control.

While the teenage years can be a time of transformation and growth for teens and parents, it’s easy to get caught in all of the miscommunication and high expectations. Beneath it all, there’s usually the same desire on both sides: to feel heard, respected, and loved. When both sides take a step toward understanding each other’s struggles and hopes, communication improves, and relationships strengthen. The key is to remember this time is about growing together with patience and compromise. n