When The Years Blur: Are We Chasing Or Living?

When The Years Blur: Are We Chasing Or Living?

I saw this quote the other day while I was doomscrolling (yes, I know, it’s a complete waste of time, but that’s for another article). It said: “Life is strange. You arrive with nothing, spend your whole life chasing everything, and leave with nothing. Make sure your soul gains more than your hands.”

For some reason, that stuck with me. Not because it’s new. We’ve all heard some version of “you can’t take it with you.” But maybe it hit different this time because of the season we are in. Rosh Hashanah is when we look back at the year and see how it unfolded and if our wishes came true.

And if I’m being really honest, most of the years just blur together one after the other. I have to think hard to remember what we did last Rosh Hashanah. The only thing that comes to mind is eating at my sister’s house the first night and my mother-in-law coming for yuntif, because that has been our tradition for years. But beyond that, nothing sticks. I do not know if it’s age, or just that we tend not to remember the things that are, well, not memorable. Most of life passes by in a flash. School drop offs, meetings, errands, dinners, bedtimes. Important in the moment, but they fade in a blur in our memories. And if the years go by without leaving any real imprint, what does that say about how we are living?

When a close family member was very sick, I asked her if she would rather have her health back or be rich. Without hesitation, she said rich. She was dying, but she still said rich. That shocked me. Not because she was wrong, because money does matter. But at some point, money can’t save us. Yet, still we cling to it.

Then, just last week, my father’s friend died suddenly of a heart attack at sixty-two. Here one day, gone the next. Everything he worked for, everything he built, it all stayed behind. And I kept thinking: What is the point if we spend our lives chasing something and never actually get a chance to live?

There is this old story about a wealthy man who asked to be buried with his socks. But halachically, you cannot be buried with anything. After a lifetime of millions, he could not even take a pair of socks with him. Socks. Somehow that detail gets me every time. It is funny and sad at the same time. All the success, the deals, the buildings, the legacies, and still, bare feet in the ground like the rest of us.

And yet, I am no better. My two-year-old has to yell “Mama” five times in my face just to get me to look up from my phone. I know I’m guilty of chasing with my hands instead of being present with my soul. I tell myself I just need to answer one more email, respond to a WhatsApp, post on LinkedIn so people will notice me, hire me, know me. And yes, of course we all need to make a living. But if I’m honest, what am I actually chasing? Half the time I’m not even doing anything that important. I am scrolling someone’s vacation photos. Looking at recipes that, let’s be honest, I’m no cook so I will probably never make. I am reading news that makes me anxious and I cannot change it anyway. Meanwhile, my daughter is right here, waiting for me to notice her.

That is where I think we confuse the chase with the purpose. The chase looks like ambition, responsibility, and progress. But it is sneaky. It never lets us arrive.

We say, I will slow down when I hit this milestone, when the deal closes, when the kids are older. But the finish line always moves.

We tell ourselves, just one more email, one more text, one more goal. But one more never ends.

We fill our calendars so full that busy becomes our badge of honor, even though deep down it’s just noise.

We call ourselves “productive,” but sometimes what we are really being is avoidant, too scared to sit still long enough to feel the emptiness.

We measure success by what is visible: the title, the house, the likes, but we forget that the invisible things like kindness, patience, and connection are what really matter.

And then the years blur. The people we love are right in front of us, and we miss them because our heads are down chasing. And the saddest part is that we often only realize what matters after tragedy strikes, after the diagnosis, after the loss, after the moment is already gone.

Maybe purpose is not about running faster. Maybe purpose is about pausing in the middle of the chase. Looking our kids in the eye when they say our name. Picking up the phone to call our parents, not just scrolling past their missed call. Choosing presence over productivity, connection over capital, wholeness over hustle.

Because here is the thing. Life is strange. It begins empty and it ends empty. But in between, we get to decide how to fill it. We can fill our lives with meaningful things or materialistic things that we can’t take with us. It’s the difference between what fills our souls and our hands.

As this new year begins, maybe the real question is not how much we will gain or achieve in a materialistic sense, but how much we will give with our hearts and souls. When all is written, what will gain more, your soul or your hands? n

Tamara Gestetner is a certified mediator, psychotherapist, and life and career coach based in Cedarhurst. She helps individuals and couples navigate relationships, career transitions, and life’s uncertainties with clarity and confidence. Through mediation and coaching, she guides clients in resolving conflicts, making tough decisions, and creating meaningful change. Tamara is now taking questions and would love to hear what’s on your mind—whether it’s about life, career, relationships, or anything in between. She can be reached at 646-239-5686 or via email at [email protected]. Please visit TamaraGestetner.com to learn more.