By Rabbi Yitzie Ross
Over the past few weeks, we’ve been focusing on issues regarding the safety of our children and family. We began by discussing safety in the house and then focused on safety out of the house. This is the last week of safety discussions, and I’d like to discuss our children’s safety regarding the internet and similar technologies.
Some of the tips below might not seem to directly concern children, but the internet and social media are constantly changing. As parents, we need to adapt and stay “in the know.”
- Children are getting cellphones at very young ages. I recently saw a second-grader with his own iPhone. Ironically, parents are giving these phones in the name of safety, not realizing that the result is frequently the exact opposite. There are many studies being done nowadays to understand the correlation between having a cellphone and the variety of generational behavior concerns that have been occurring. Needless to say, it might not be such a great idea to give young children a phone. If you’re insistent on tracking your children every second, there are other options. There are gizmo watches, bracelets, and more.
- WhatsApp has become the “go to” for messaging and staying in touch. Did you know that it has some inappropriate groups? Many parents have gotten into the habit of checking their children’s chats but neglect to see if any are archived. If your child has WhatsApp, please monitor it religiously.
- Social media is a scary phenomenon that has become increasingly difficult to monitor. It used to be just Facebook and Instagram, but now it’s also Meetup, Qzone, WeChat, Viber, Snapchat, TikTok, and so many more. Did you recognize all of these? Probably not. Chances are that if your children are at all internet-savvy, they’ve heard of a few of these. Many of these apps delete the information after a short while. There is no simple solution, but it’s so important to communicate openly with your kids and to set guidelines.
- Many children want their own email address. It’s a mistake to keep pushing this off; a better idea is to help them set one up. Allow them time to check their e-mail once or twice a week (or more often, depending on the age and situation) and insist that you know the password. Explain that it’s for their protection, and you’re not planning on reading through all of their emails.
- Emails sometimes contain links. I’m sure you’ve all seen links, as they’re usually blue and say, “Click here.” Although most links are usually fine, many of them can take you to sites that look real but are in fact trying to steal your information. It’s called phishing. Although many browsers warn you, it’s still very tricky. You need to teach your kids never to click on links. Always type information directly into the address bar.
- If your child wants time to use the computer, even for schoolwork, it’s not a huge deal. You should have software that limits what they can access. Additionally, you should keep the computer in a central part of the house where others can walk by at any time.
- Phone scams are also prevalent. Frequently, seniors get tricked. I have a simple way to verify the legitimacy of any call. Whether it’s your bank, credit card company, or even the IRS, there’s a simple solution. Ask for a callback number. Any legitimate organization will have a callback number with an extension. When they give you a number, look it up online to verify if it matches the company name.
- We had it easier as children. We did things that weren’t so smart — but no one knew about it. Nowadays, everything your child does is likely being recorded or stored online somewhere. It’s difficult for children to understand this, and it’s frustrating for them as well. They still need to be taught that everything they write online, send via e-mail, post on social media, or even record as a short video, will always be available online and can likely be seen by anyone.
- The flipside of this is teaching our children personal boundaries and consideration of others. There was a boy in a beis midrash who was picking his nose, and one of the other boys surreptitiously took a picture with his phone. The picture ended up online and really embarrassed the boy. Teach your children not to take photos without permission. Explain that if someone sends something that can be hurtful or embarrassing to others, they should delete it. Certainly, forwarding it to others is both irresponsible and wrong.
- Many families have adopted a safe word that they’ve taught their children. One family used the word “spiral.” This word can be used in a few ways. One of them is a scenario in which someone is giving your child a ride. Your son might ask for a special word, and if the person doesn’t know it, he might wait for additional confirmation. Another scenario might be if your child calls from a friend’s house and says the word in a conversation. Something might be wrong. It might sound a bit crazy, but, then again, we live in a crazy world. Something to think about.
Rabbi Yitzie Ross is a well-known rebbe and parenting adviser. To sign up for his weekly emails and read the comments, visit YidParenting.com.
