By Rabbi Benzion Scheinfeld
In this week’s parashah, the riveting story of Yosef HaTzaddik reaches its climax as Yosef finally reveals himself to his brothers with the famous words, “Ani Yosef, Ha’od Avi Chai.” To fully appreciate what transpired in this incredible moment, let us take a step back and address a question that must bother anyone who studies the story of Yosef.
How come Yosef did not contact his father and family once he became the viceroy of Egypt? Why did he not try to stop the suffering that his father Yaakov felt for the 22 years they were separated and his father thought him dead?
Many Meforshim address this issue. I would like to suggest an approach that may not only shed a light on why Yosef did not contact his father, but can also give us a powerful insight into the inner workings of Yosef and the amazing transformation he underwent in Miketz and Vayigash.
It is possible that Yosef was so hurt by what happened with his brothers that he wished to forget his family and escape to a new life in Egypt. In his birth home, Yosef is loved by his father but is all too aware that his brothers hate him, a hatred that culminates in the terrible crime of kidnapping that almost leads to murder. Yosef was deeply hurt by this trauma. And now, after years of pain and suffering due to the alienation he felt at home, he has finally achieved some success. He builds a new life for himself, marries, has children, and achieves unthinkable power. He thinks he has finally found his true place and identity and is quite happy to bury his previous connection to his family deep in his heart and start a new life free of the pain he experienced.
This suggestion is strongly supported by the startling name Yosef gave his first child, Menashe. The Torah explains that the name means, “Thank you, Hashem, for helping me to forget my father’s home and all the pain it brought me.” It seems that at this point Yosef had closed his heart to his family and was satisfied with his new position and identity. He had no plans to contact his family ever again. It isn’t until his life is turned upside-down by the visit of his brothers that his heart wrenches open and he is forced to confront the deepest truths. In fact, it is this process that allows Yosef to return to his rightful place in Klal Yisrael.
Let us take a closer look at this process. A process that can be traced through the progression of Yosef’s tears.
The First Time Yosef Cries
When Yosef first meets his brothers, he seems very calculating. He recognizes them, but they don’t recognize him, and he decides to take advantage of that. We are not sure of his true motives, but he seems to have a plan and to be in full control of the situation. But all that begins to change when he overhears Reuven speaking to his brothers, attributing their misfortune in Egypt to the sin they had committed to their long-lost brother and their insensitivity to his pleas. Yosef, who for years had closed his heart to his family, is suddenly and unexpectedly touched by his brother’s words. He begins to realize that while he spent the last 22 years trying to forget, his brothers have spent the same 22 years unable to forget. The Torah describes, “He turns away and cries.” As his heart slowly opens, he loses control of his emotions and is forced to turn away from his brothers to hide his tears. Overcome by this unexpected burst of emotion, Yosef manages to hide his tears and carries on his conversation with his brothers.
But as he will learn, his journey of tears has only just begun. For despite his best efforts to bury his family connections, his deeper self is just beginning to emerge. And just as he witnesses his brothers’ remorse, he himself begins to change.
The Second Time Yosef Cries
Yosef is again ambushed by his emotions when he finally encounters Binyamin. The Torah (Bereishis 43:30) relates, “And Yosef ran out of the room for his heart was bursting with care and love for all his brothers and he needed to cry, and he went to the next room and burst out crying, and he then washed his face and got control of himself and ordered the servants to serve a meal.”
Although the emotion is triggered by seeing Binyamin, it was directed to all of his brothers. Rashi quotes an amazingly powerful Midrash that tells us a bit more about what triggered this uncontrollable outburst of emotion by Yosef.
According to the Midrash, when Yosef meets Binyamin, he asks his younger brother if he has any other brothers from the same mother. Binyamin answers yes, but he doesn’t know where he is. Yosef continues to ask Binyamin if he has any children. Binyamin answers that he has ten. Yosef then asks him the names of his children and when he is told the rather strange names, Yosef asks Binyamin why he chose such strange names. It is Binyamin’s answer that ultimately causes Yosef to lose control again. Binyamin proceeds to tell him, one by one, how each of the names he chose represents a different aspect of suffering his older brother must have experienced.
One can only imagine how Yosef’s heart swells to hear how sensitively his younger brother has commemorated him by the various names he bestowed on his sons, especially given how they contrast to the name Menashe that Yosef chose for his own son. In this, Yosef suddenly realizes that while he has spent the last 22 years trying to forget, his brothers have spent the same time trying to remember.
This time Yosef is unable to hide his tears. He can’t just turn away and wipe them away; he has to physically rush out of the room in what must have been an awkward scene. And in one of the most touching human details in Tanach, the Torah describes how he must wash his face before returning to his brothers. This is the second episode of Yosef’s tears we encounter. One can imagine how Yosef’s heart is opening to his true feelings. He rushes out of the room before he bursts into tears. This is the last time he will be able to maintain his composure. The next time he cries, his transformation will be complete.
The Final Tears Of Emotional Openness
In this week’s parashah, Yosef’s transformation is complete. Yosef witnesses Yehuda’s impassioned pleas for his father Yaakov and his refusal to abandon Binyamin: the same Yehuda who years ago in cold blood had led the charge to sell Yosef to the Egyptians! This is the final step of Yosef’s emotional journey. After Yosef witnesses Yehuda’s transformation, he can no longer keep up the masquerade and hide his tears. Unable to contain himself, he bursts out crying in front of his brothers, saying the most honest words he has said in 22 years “Ani Yosef Ha’ od Avi chai!” The real me is Yosef and all I really cared about for the last 22 years was about father and my family.
Yosef’s journey of tears allowed him to open his heart, forgive his brothers, and reconnect to his truest self. He didn’t do it alone, for it was his brothers’ teshuvah and transformation that allowed Yosef to open his heart to his truest self and forgive them.
Learning From Yosef: Our Mission
Staying emotionally open despite painful hurt and disappointment is one of the greatest and most important challenges we can face in our lives. Hashem gave us all delicate, beautiful hearts. All too often we close our hearts to others and even to ourselves because the pain is just too great. But that is a tragedy. For there is no greater gift and responsibility than to live with emotional openness to others, to Hashem, and to ourselves. Let us learn from Yosef’s journey toward emotional openness and do our best to keep our delicate, beautiful hearts open so we can both give and receive to our highest potential, experiencing true joy.
Rabbi Benzion Scheinfeld is a Judaic Studies teacher at SAR High School and is founder of Camp Kanfei and Camp Bnos Kanfei, a ski and travel adventure camp. He also writes for Aish.com.
