10 Core Lessons: Reflections Of A Yoetzet Halacha

By Lisa Septimus

As I mark over ten years serving the community as the yoetzet halacha of the Five Towns, I’ve been privileged to witness the growth, challenges, and deep commitment of countless families. Over this decade, my annual calls have nearly quadrupled, a powerful testament to the community’s dedication to taharas ha’mishpacha.

This role has provided a unique window into the inner workings of Jewish life, allowing me to distill ten core lessons I believe are critical for our community’s continued strength and spiritual well-being.

1. Our Community’s Commitment to Halacha is Strong.

Baruch Hashem, the long-term commitment to halacha, Yiras Shamayim, and the desire to ask questions is very solid. I see this commitment when I speak to women across a broad spectrum, most of whom express that taharas ha’mishpacha is a priority in their life and they want to observe these mitzvos properly. The increase in calls from under 300 in my first year to 1,100 annually shows further commitment and a willingness to ask questions.

2. The Hidden Emotional and Physical Weight of Mikvah Observance.

Many women struggle with at least one component of this mitzvah. This can be the stress of mikvahpreparation, the frustration with nails/manicures, discomfort with being seen or checked by an attendant, feeling the isolation of the harchakos (distancing laws), or the emotional burden during fertility issues or a miscarriage. Even the basic time-tracking and self-monitoring of one’s body that is involved is a significant, ongoing challenge for many. It is a profound privilege to be among those who help women connect with the beauty and dignity of this mitzvah. As Rabbanit Shani Taragin recently stated, “It is good that Judaism is hard.”

3. The Inevitable Frustration of Couples Not on the Same Page.

This is a common source of difficulty when couples have different outlooks on halacha, intimacy, desire, or major life decisions. While a healthy marriage means you didn’t marry your mirror image—and some disagreement is normal—the stress and negotiation is a real and painful challenge. Sometimes when a woman is speaking to another woman about a halachic issue, the relationship context comes out and it feels good to be heard by another woman with insight into what so many couples face.

4. More Education Needed: Lacking Knowledge Leads to Serious Mistakes.

There is a significant gap in sufficient taharas ha’mishpacha education. Lacking this knowledge can lead halachically committed couples to spend unnecessarily extended periods of separation or, in the opposite direction, can lead to extremely serious violations. Countless times, women have incorrectly assumed they were in niddah for months without asking. I also see errors like incorrect counting, not understanding a veset/onah, or confusion about minimal staining.

5. The Community is Underutilizing the Yoetzet Halacha Resource.

When a group of rabbis, led by Rabbi Hershel Billet and Rabbi Kenneth Hain, established this resource, the goal was for my speaking to facilitate more awareness and increase education. Sadly, not enough people are taking advantage of this communal resource, missing a valuable opportunity to enhance halachic practice and education and to encourage more questions.

6. The Essential Intersection of Taharas Ha’Mishpacha and Women’s Health and Wellness.

Taharas ha’mishpacha intersects deeply with broader women’s health concerns—OB/GYN issues, emotional well-being, and broader medical conditions like breast cancer and diabetes, as well as cosmetic concerns. While we are not experts in any of these areas and regularly refer out, I am grateful that Nishmat’s Miriam Glaubach Center has provided supplemental education in these areas as well as continuing education, and has invested in keeping us connected to professionals in these areas, for guidance we can turn to at any time.

7. We Need Increased Programming and Encouragement for Men.

Most women are proactively seeking ways to improve their relationships (classes, podcasts, therapy), but the same is not always true for men. Many women have told me they wish their husbands would attend as much relationship education as they do. Many rebbeim are already offering a lot in this area (especially during the 6-8-week period we are now in), and we should encourage men to take greater advantage of what is being offered and increase new opportunities for them.

8. Our Chesed Networks and Collaboration are Exceptional.

The diversity of our shuls, poskim (halachic authorities), and mikvahs is impressive. The networks of chesed are equally outstanding. This includes organizations addressing families in need, addictions, illness, educational resources, medical care, and care for those in Israel. It includes what sisterhoods, shuls, and individual people in communities do to help one another feel supported in difficult times. In taharas ha’mishpacha, it includes rabbis, rebbetzins, kallah teachers, and mikvah attendants who generously devote time and treat each person with sensitivity. It includes mikvahs that refer to one another, and even organizations that help subsidize kallah classes. I saw this collective strength at its best during Covid, when mikvahs collaborated to remain safe and open.

9. My Dream is for Mikvah Nail Services to Restore Simcha.

I still dream of a mikvah offering dedicated nail services—specifically gel removal and manicures—for women before and after immersion. Various forms of gel manicures currently impede women from fulfilling the mitzvah in an ideal (lechatchila) manner, because more women are leaving manicures on (which is problematic according to many poskim) or by some women who resentfully remove them and feeling a lack of simcha (joy) in fulfilling the mitzvah. Ideally, we would all prioritize mikvah above manicures, but if a mikvah offered the nail service option, it could be a game changer for certain women.

10. The Deep Gratification and Sipuk Hanefesh of this Role.

Serving as a yoetzet halacha is profoundly rewarding. Hardly a day passed in ten years without a woman thanking me for being a non-judgmental, confidential, and anonymous listening ear. Beyond their gratitude, my sipuk hanefesh (soul-satisfaction) comes from the privilege to teach women these laws daily, help them navigate difficult situations, and be a trusted guide. Thank you to the community for allowing me to serve in this role! 

Lisa Septimus is the yoetzet halacha of the Five Towns. She can be reached at 516-900-2109 or 5townsyoetzet.org or on Instagram @dearyoetzet. For more information about yoatzot halacha in general, visit Yoatzot.org. The Yoetzet of the Five Towns is a 501c3 that supports the availability of a yoetzet to the wider Five Towns community as a resource. Yoatzot Halacha are highly trained women, educated by Nishmat in Yerushalayim and the Miriam Glaubach Center in the U.S., who devote over two years of intensive study in taharas ha’mishpacha along with training in medicine and psychology. They educate and guide women in the laws of family purity, serving halachic communities in Israel and across America.