Bench Warrant

By: Dovid Fox

In last week’s article (“Pew Research”), I explored some of the welcoming and not-so-welcoming experiences I’ve had when visiting various houses of worship. I received several supportive comments from readers, many of whom could relate to the experiences I described. Others offered some standards that are used in their synagogues. Their input is worth exploring in more detail.

It seems that in some synagogues, if a member comes within 20 minutes of the official start time, they can politely ask for their occupied seat. After that 20-minute grace period, the member must sit elsewhere. Another synagogue has a policy that a late-arriving member can claim their seat up to Yishtabach; otherwise, they must allow the “occupying visitor” to remain in that seat throughout the service. The seat-owning member may not disrupt a guest who is that far into the davening already. Another synagogue has a policy that if a member arrives in shul late, no matter how close to the beginning of the service, they must quietly find another place to sit. This policy upholds the value of not embarrassing anyone, especially a visitor.

Another synagogue has a strict policy that members must purchase their seats. This is known colloquially as a makom kavuah, a set or designated place. Whether or not they show up on time, it is still their rightful place. They store their belongings in the shtender (lectern), and no one has the right to sit there without prior permission. Although this view has its roots in some of the early responsa literature written in the Medieval era, the concept of makom kavuah extends to a four-cubit circumference around a person. At least from a Kabbalisticperspective, if I pray near my regular place, my prayers are still regarded as coming from me in my makom kavuah. Now, that has to do with the theology of the prayer whereas the halachic issue pertains to the right of use or ownership of the makom kavuah. Either way, a congregation through its leaders and its policies can determine their own ethics regarding these matters.

In my recollection, I have seen on five occasions a visitor taking an unoccupied seat or shtender and commence davening, causing shock waves to ripple through the congregation. I must add that in each of these cases, the seat or shtender in question belonged to the rabbi of the synagogue and we all would probably agree that the visitor had no business upstaging the congregation’s spiritual leader. It would take either extreme ego or abject obliviousness for anyone to feel entitled to the rabbi’s makom kavuah. On the other hand, I can remember as a young rabbi how once, as I got up to give the drasha, a newcomer got up and moved next to me. I asked the bearded fellow if he wanted to ask me something and he said no, he wanted to participate with me in giving the drasha. I was at a loss about what to do, and later discovered that he was a newcomer in town and planned to open up his own synagogue. He saw this as a chance to upstage me at the pulpit, hoping to draw congregants to his new shul. Call it ego, call it chutzpah, but whatever it is, it is not synagogue etiquette.

In my own shul, we have a middle of the road policy. A newcomer is shown the available seats, and if he sits in a reserved spot, someone will quietly mention that this is so-and-so’s seat and will show him a vacant spot. If we know that the regular is away, we will say nothing and allow the occupier to remain in his place. If the regular arrives late, we use the 20-minute rule, which means that if the minyan is well into Pesukei d’Zimra, the late-coming regular may not interrupt the visitor. When it comes to my shtender, however, whether I am present or away, my makom is reserved for me. There is a shtender on either side of me and at my discretion, a visiting rabbi might be invited to occupy one of those seats.

Prayer is important. Decorum is important. Order and set seating are important. Punctuality is important. Etiquette involves both a visitor’s respect for shul policy and a congregation’s respect for the sensitivities and feelings of a newcomer or visitor. 

Rabbi Dr. Dovid Fox is a forensic and clinical psychologist, and director of Chai Lifeline Crisis Services. To contact Chai Lifeline’s 24-hour crisis helpline, call 855-3-CRISIS or email [email protected]. Learn more at ChaiLifeline.org/crisis.