Musings Of A Shliach From Montana

Chana Laya and Rabbi Chaim on bumper boats

Chavie and Rabbi Chaim at the Palm Canyon Trail

In case you didn’t notice, I missed last week’s column.

It wasn’t deliberate. I wasn’t looking for a break, but after traveling to New York for my mother’s yahrzeit, then hopping on a flight to Texas for a Block (Chavie’s) family reunion, I was hoping to write on Sunday while flying with the family from Austin to Palm Springs, where we headed for four days of R&R with the kids. Yet, the flight was delayed by many hours, and in the chaos of making our way to California, I dropped the ball and didn’t end up writing (flying gives me lots of anxiety, both the turbulence and the airline issues, so I’m easily overwhelmed, but more on that a different day).

We finally made it to Palm Springs late Sunday night and stayed there until early Thursday morning. While there we visited Joshua Tree National Park, the Living Desert Zoo, Palm Canyon Trailhead, and genuinely enjoyed the quaint areas of the desert. I would go back there in a heartbeat to enjoy the sun and warmth during the winter. Seeing so many cacti is interesting and it amazes me that something that seems so harmful and prickly has incredible value medicinally and otherwise. The components of a cactus can act as an anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and can aid in digestion, healing wounds, and sunburn. It can also boost your electrolytes and so much more.

While there are so many warnings not to touch them lest you get pricked, if dealt with properly we can find the powerful G-dly gifts that lie in these seemingly prickly plants. I’ve been thinking about that a lot because Chavie and I are dealing with a choice made by one of our children that goes strongly against our Torah values and I’m desperately trying to understand what Hashem has in mind, why He would put us through such an experience, and why He would allow our child to make a decision that isn’t good for them.

It bothered me to no end. First, I was angry, then I was sad, I cried a lot. I daven so much for my children and their well-being, spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and just wish I understood at least some of His ways. Of course, our kids are adopted, and that has its own set of challenges, but like all parents, Chavie and I wish that our children grow in the path of Hashem with a love for Torah and mitzvos and when it doesn’t play out exactly as we had in mind, it makes me wonder.

In this week’s parashah, Shemos, we read how Moshe Rabbeinu heard Hashem’s instructions directly from Him about how He would redeem Klal Yisrael from Egyptian enslavement. G-d spoke to Moshe from a burning thorn bush. The Chasam Sofer writes that it’s the thorn bush moments for the Jewish people, those times when we’re struggling and in pain, when we awaken with a fiery cry to Hashem seeking connection. The Chasam Sofer even writes that if it wasn’t for the tough moments, the Jewish people would have forgotten about Hashem altogether.

It’s an idea that the Alter Rebbe emphasizes in Tanya and something that Chassidus in general and the Rebbe, zt’l, in particular discuss often: that we must understand that the purest, clearest oil comes out of the most pressed olive. [Side note, any men that wish to join our Men’s Tanya Chavurah that is starting this Thursday January 8, should WhatsApp me at 406-600-4934 for the link.] It’s how we show up during the hardest moments of life and how connected we remain to Hashem during these hardships, that brings out the best in us, living up to who we are meant to be as a Jew, as a Chassid, as a spouse, parent, child, and citizen.

In the home of the Chofetz Chaim they once forgot to turn on the lamps before Shabbos and they had to celebrate Shabbos in the dark. When the holy tzaddik inquired as to what had happened, they answered that they forgot to press the electric button. When he heard this, he quipped “Oy, there is electric, but we must press the button.” He went on to explain that Hashem is everywhere. There is no place at all without Him, but we must press the button, turn on our “electricity” to see the light that already exists right in front of us.

I think that too often we’re uncomfortable talking about the faith-based challenges that play out in our lives, issues that are painful and hard. It doesn’t do us or anyone around us any good to sweep the inner crisis under the rug and make believe we’re fine. In the last two weeks, the wife of a dear friend was diagnosed with cancer and another friend is dealing with a growth that was found in his abdomen. Baruch Hashem, they are both on a path to healing and recovery, but these realities break our hearts and sometimes allow for brokenness to get close to our soul. The key isn’t to live in Lalaland, but to recognize that it’s super hard and to keep remembering that Hashem indeed runs the world and He has a plan for every detail of our lives, even the hardest. It’s moments like these that force us to check our inner core to see if we have internalized the truth of Hashem’s kingship in reality, not just in theory.

Rav Ephraim Wachsman composed beautiful lyrics to the famous Chabad niggun. His words are inspiring because they can be sung with a smile of reassurance or with tears flowing down our cheeks, recognizing their truth even when we don’t get it all. The lyrics are: I believe in Hashem, I trust in Hashem, There never is a moment when, that I am alone that I am on my own, I believe and I trust in Hashem, and I understand that He’s holding my hand and every step is perfectly planned, He’s holding me tight so I’ll be all right, I believe and I trust in Hashem.

Listen to those powerful words. They aren’t meant to ignore the pain; they are meant to guide to live with Hashem in the painful moments and know that He is on top of His game always.

A friend sent me a letter from the Rebbe, dated the 13th of Nissan1951, but while away on the family trip, I didn’t have a chance to read it. Then, last Friday, a few hours before Shabbos, I sat down to read it and it changed my entire attitude and reduced so much of my heartbreak. You can see the translation of the letter for yourself; it speaks for itself loudly:

“Greetings and blessings,

I duly received your letter. Nevertheless, I was not able to answer until now because of my many preoccupations. Actually, you do not need my answer, because you already received an answer from my father-in-law, my revered father-in-law, the Rebbe, when you were here.

Nonetheless, I will repeat what I said several times:

Once and for all, you must know that faith is not something that remains merely on the level of thought. Instead, it must permeate the totality of a person’s life.

Unquestionably, you are a believer. The first principle of faith is that Hashem controls the world. Certainly, if He can deal with a billion and a half people, you can rest assured that with regard to your matters, you will see the fulfillment of the promise stated in the verse:1 “I made [you], and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will deliver you.

“Now, think about it: Hashem promises, “I will sustain you and I will deliver you.” Consider, is it possible for a gentile from this or that country to hinder Hashem from fulfilling His promise, Heaven forbid? And as a logical consequence, think: Does Hashem need you to worry how He will deal with your concern for worldly matters and how He will solve your problems? Even without your worries, Hashem will certainly find a way to reach a good solution [of the issues].

“Ultimately, you must remember that the Rebbe, my revered father-in-law, the Rebbe, blessed you and the blessing of a tzaddik will certainly be fulfilled. Therefore, the blessing given you will also be fulfilled. But what? You have been given two choices: Until you see the fulfillment of the blessing, you will go about worry-ridden, anxious that perhaps, Heaven forbid, the blessing will not be fulfilled. And afterwards, when the blessing is fulfilled, you will have another worry: Why did you have to waste so much of your life worrying for nothing?

“Alternatively, you can carry on, strong in trust and faith in Hashem, confident that He will lead you on the proper path and fulfill all the blessings with which you have been blessed. Afterwards, when you see that they have actually been fulfilled, you can tell yourself: See how well I conducted myself! I didn’t worry about matters over which there was no need to be concerned.

“This is one of the meanings of my father-in-law’s blessings to you; it wasn’t only a blessing; it was a charge: You must be happy. For with G-d’s help, the problems which appear to you as so difficult will be resolved. There is no reason for you to worry. You can be happy, fulfilling the command: ‘Serve Hashem with happiness.’

“I wish you a kosher and happy Pesach, and health and happiness at all times. I await hearing good news from you in the near future.”

In the original Yiddish I think the letter is even more powerful, but the message is the same. Stop trying to do Hashem’s job for Him, worrying for Him, instead just trust in Him and stay focused on your mission in this world. So, back to the holy shlichus we go. More light, more programs, more shiurim, more time with our children, more Shabbos dinners. More and more and more efforts to bring Mashiach now.

We cry. We daven. We live joyfully. We let Hashem do the rest. n

Rabbi Chaim Bruk is co-CEO of Chabad Lubavitch of Montana and spiritual leader of The Shul of Bozeman. For comments or to partner in our holy work, e-mail [email protected] or visit JewishMontana.com/Donate.