Real Estate Humor

By: Anessa Cohen

Today just seemed like a good day to share some jokes. I’m not sure why, but it must have been because someone whispered in my ear that a good joke will keep you smiling all day and several jokes will have you whistling while you walk!

I don’t plan to whistle while I walk since people would probably look at me like I’ve lost my mind, but smiling all day sounds good to me, so here goes:

My buyer told me he’s lived in the same house for 10 years. When I checked, I found out that he would still be there today if the Governor hadn’t pardoned him.

When I asked my seller why he placed his dining room near the front door, he said, “So my shver andshvigger won’t have to waste any time.”

In answer to the question: “Where does my property line end.” The answer is, “Just watch where your neighbor stops cutting his grass.”

The seller told me his house was near the water, but I didn’t realize he meant in the basement.

A seller once told me he had a temporary mortgage on his property. When I asked him what he meant by “temporary,” he said, “Until the bank forecloses.”

A realtor always tells his buyers, “First you folks tell me ideally what you’d like to spend on a house, then we’ll have a good laugh and go on from there.”

There’s no need for a neutron bomb any longer. We already have something that destroys people and leaves the building intact—it’s called a mortgage.

The broker said to the house hunter: “Yes the kitchen is a bit small, but with a mortgage like this you won’t do much cooking anyway.”

Realtor sign: “We have ‘lots’ to be thankful for.”

I recently listed a maintenance-free house: In the last 25 years, no one has done any maintenance!

Marlene, a real estate agent, had difficulty getting a listing from a client whose fear was that there was no substitute for experience. After he asked her for the third time how long she’s been a real estate agent, she said: “There’s a little-known fact that Moses brought three tablets down from the mountain. Two were the ten commandments, the other one was my real estate license.” She got the listing!

Keep smiling everyone! 

Anessa Cohen lives in Cedarhurst and is a Licensed Real Estate Broker (Anessa V Cohen Realty with over 20 years of experience offering full service residential, management and commercial real estate services. She can be reached at 516-569-5007 and encourages readers to send any questions or scenarios by email to [email protected].