The Problem With Everyone Becoming An “Expert”

I’ve gotten a lot of messages lately asking me to publicly condemn the online tactics of Adina Miles (Flatbush Girl) as “against halacha.” And while I understand why people want a clear statement, I’ve intentionally avoided using my platforms to make public declarations about what is or isn’t halachicallyacceptable, because that’s not my role or expertise.

I am not a halachic authority. I’m a therapist.

That does not mean I have no concerns about what she’s doing. I absolutely have concerns about consent, emotional vulnerability, pressure, coercion, power dynamics, shame, and encouraging people to share intimate parts of themselves online without fully understanding the permanence and implications of that exposure. Those are areas I do feel professionally comfortable speaking about because they fall within the realm of psychology, relationships, and human behavior. I’ve made those concerns known.

But I think the fact that so many people now expect therapists to publicly declare what is or isn’t “assur,” “frum,” or acceptable Jewish observance actually speaks to a much larger issue online right now. We have become very comfortable blurring the lines between influence and expertise.

There is a very big difference between being culturally informed and positioning yourself as a religious authority. And I think therapists and mental health professionals specifically need to be very careful about that distinction, especially online. Because once therapists start speaking with certainty on religious law and someone else’s observance, it can create real harm. Therapy is supposed to be a space where people can speak honestly and be themselves without feeling spiritually evaluated or judged by their clinician.

We are living in a culture where people feel more and more comfortable speaking with authority on almost everything, regardless of whether they actually have the training or knowledge to do so. Everyone has a platform now. Everyone has a course, a podcast, a following, and an audience. Actual expertise doesn’t seem to matter anymore. If you sound convincing enough online, people assume you know what you’re talking about.

The chef becomes the relationship expert. The mom becomes an expert on complex family dynamics. The makeup artist becomes a nutrition coach. Someone fixes their own marriage and suddenly starts teaching couples how to heal theirs (in just 90 days!). The divorcee is a life coach now. Someone loses weight and starts giving personal training tips and body image advice. Someone becomes popular online and people begin treating their opinions like professional qualifications. I could keep going….

We’ve somehow created a culture where people experience one personal success and immediately feel qualified to teach everyone else how to replicate it.

And social media rewards this. People love certainty and confidence. They love quick and easy. Black and white. Good and bad. Here’s the problem, here’s the solution. People who speak in absolutes and present themselves as having “the answer” instantly go viral. But life is so much more complex and nuanced and most of the time, it isn’t black and white. And lived experience, while valuable, is not the same thing as professional training.

Having a successful marriage does not automatically qualify someone to guide couples through hard things. Losing weight does not make someone an expert in mental health, eating disorders, or body image. Being religious does not make someone qualified to treat psychological conditions. And being a therapist does not make someone a halachic authority.

I actually think one of the defining features of ethical professionals is that they understand the limits of their expertise. Recognizing where your role begins and ends is part of what makes someone trustworthy.

And to be clear, a therapist understanding a client’s religious values is absolutely important clinically. Sometimes those beliefs are grounding, stabilizing, protective, and very much connected to a person’s identity and wellbeing. A culturally competent therapist should understand that and work within the client’s value system. But that still does not make the therapist a rabbi.

The reverse can happen too. There are people with tremendous spiritual wisdom and communal influence who speak about or give guidance on psychological issues with a level of confidence that goes far beyond their training and could be very dangerous.

This is not about saying people should never share experiences, perspectives, or personal growth. Sometimes hearing from someone who has struggled can make people feel less alone. Sometimes those voices are the most powerful. And you do not need formal credentials to have wisdom or meaningful insight. But there is still a difference between “This helped me” and “This qualifies me to professionally guide others. Here’s my course!”

It’s important that we become more thoughtful consumers of information online. Before taking guidance from someone, ask yourself:

What exactly qualifies this person to be giving advice on this topic? Are they speaking from lived experience, professional training, or both? And if it’s lived experience, can I recognize that even if parts of our situations sound similar, their experience may not actually apply to me? Are they acknowledging nuances and limitations, or presenting themselves as having all the answers? Do they stay within the boundaries of their expertise, or do they speak with authority on everything?

And maybe most importantly, does this person leave me feeling more thoughtful and grounded, or more fearful, dependent, ashamed, and emotionally reactive?

One of the biggest red flags online is when people stop acknowledging the limits of their expertise altogether. People looking for support and guidance online are usually extremely vulnerable. That’s exactly why humility and integrity are so important. When someone trusts you, the consequences of overstepping your expertise are no longer theoretical.

Sometimes the most responsible thing a professional can say is, “This is outside of my expertise. Let me refer you to the right person for this.” And for the people sharing your advice and help online, maybe part of wisdom, for all of us, is being able to say, “This taught me something meaningful,” without assuming it makes you qualified to guide everyone else through it.

For further reading on the intersection of mental health and halacha, I highly recommend Nafshi Bishe’elati by Rabbi Yonatan (Yoni) Rosensweig and Dr. Shmuel Harris. Rabbi Rosensweig also gave an excellent talk on this topic at the Altneu synagogue that is available on YouTube: “Rabbi Yoni Rosensweig—Halacha Meets Mental Health.” Fascinating and incredibly important. 

Rachel Tuchman, LMHC, is a licensed therapist in private practice. She not only treats a variety of mental-health concerns but also shares psychoeducation via her social media platform, public speaking, and online courses. You can learn more about Rachel’s work at RachelTuchman.com and follow her on Instagram @rachel_tuchman_lmhc.