Making Time For A Mommy Makeover

By: B. Aviva Preminger, MD, MPH, FACS

One of the most common questions I hear during a mommy makeover consultation has nothing to do with surgery. Women rarely begin by asking about scars, recovery, or even the details of the procedure. Instead, they pull out their phones, open their calendars, and start walking me through their lives.

“There’s a wedding in June.”

“My daughter is coming home from Israel in August.”

“We’re making a bar mitzvah this fall.”

“I can’t do anything before Pesach.”

“Camp starts in two weeks.”

“I need to cook for yom tov.”

Within minutes, I often know more about a woman’s family schedule than I do about her medical history. Over the years, I have come to realize that, for many women, deciding whether they want surgery is actually the easy part. Finding the time to do it is much harder. Most women are less concerned about the procedure or the recovery process than they are about how everything will be taken care of if they take a week or two off.

As women, particularly in our community, we become experts at managing everyone else’s lives. We schedule pediatrician appointments, orthodontist visits, school meetings, camp registrations, seminary interviews, weddings, anniversaries, and family vacations. We carry calendars not only in our phones but in our heads. Somewhere along the way, our own needs often get pushed further and further down the list.

The term “mommy makeover” has become a familiar one, but I sometimes think it misses the larger story. While it refers to procedures such as tummy tucks, breast lifts, breast reductions, breast augmentation, liposuction, or combinations of these procedures, the patients who come to see me are rarely focused solely on appearance. More often, they are talking about changes that occurred after pregnancies, breastfeeding, significant weight fluctuations, or simply the passage of time. Yet even when they are bothered by these changes, many women wait years before doing anything about them because life keeps happening. There is always another simcha, another vacation, another holiday, another responsibility, and another reason to wait.

One of the privileges of my profession is that I have a front-row seat to the realities of women’s lives. I spend my days talking to women from every stage of adulthood. What strikes me over and over again is how much responsibility women carry, often without acknowledging it themselves.

Men usually approach a consultation with technical procedure-related questions. Women ask different questions: Who will make Shabbos? Can I recover before camp pickup? What happens if one of the kids gets sick? Can I still attend my niece’s wedding? Will I be able to host yom tov? The concerns are rarely about the operation itself. They are about everyone else. As a frum female surgeon, I understand those concerns. As a mother, I understand them even more.

The truth is that life does not become less complicated. The challenge for many women is recognizing that taking care of themselves deserves a place on the calendar alongside everything else.

I am not suggesting that surgery is the right choice for everyone. It is not. But I do believe there is value in acknowledging your own needs rather than constantly postponing them. Whether that means having surgery, prioritizing exercise, addressing a medical issue, taking a class, pursuing a hobby, or simply carving out time for yourself, the principle is the same. Women are remarkably good at showing up for the people they love. The harder task is often showing up for themselves.

The truth is that women deserve the same consideration that they give everyone else, the same planning, the same investment, the same compassion, and the same care. As women, we often pride ourselves on the ability to give endlessly. While that is a beautiful quality, there is also something critically important about acknowledging our own needs in order to be able to continue showing up for everyone else.

Perhaps that is why so many of the conversations I have in my office are not really about surgery at all. They are about permission. Permission to ask for help. Permission to make themselves a priority. Permission to invest in their own well-being. Permission to believe that caring for themselves is not selfish.

Take care of the people you love. Show up for your family. Celebrate the simchas. Enjoy the vacations. Create the memories. But somewhere in that calendar, make room for yourself too. You deserve it. n

At Preminger Plastic Surgery, we are committed to educating our patients and providing personalized care tailored to their unique needs. For those considering plastic surgery, we offer guidance every step of the way to help you achieve your aesthetic and wellness goals. Dr. Preminger is a board-certified plastic surgeon with degrees from Harvard, Cornell, and Columbia.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, please visit PremingerMD.com or call 212-706-1900. Follow us on Instagram @premingerplasticsurgery.