It’s OK To Take Care Of Yourself

By: B. Aviva Preminger, MD, MPH, FACS

It’s OK To Take Care Of Yourself

As you know if you are a regular reader of my column, I just moved two of my children into college. For weeks, there were lists of dorm supplies, sheets, towels, clothes, chargers, forms, more forms, flights, boxes, and more boxes. And, of course, the inevitable last-minute realization that the one thing we absolutely needed had somehow never made it onto any of the lists.

Then came the actual move-ins, the excitement, the schlepping, the organizing, the goodbyes and that strange combination of enormous pride and a little heartbreak that comes with leaving a child behind. I came home having successfully launched two children into college and realized something: I was exhausted.

So I did something that women, mothers in particular, sometimes have a surprisingly hard time doing. I took care of myself. I went away for the weekend to Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA. I exercised. I took classes. I had spa treatments. I ate healthy food that someone else prepared. I slept. I walked. And perhaps most importantly, for a brief period of time, I wasn’t responsible for making sure anyone else had the right sheets, got to the airport on time, ate dinner, remembered an appointment or had everything they needed. I only had to take care of me.

Canyon Ranch (no this article isn’t sponsored) is built around the concept of caring for the whole person. What they offer includes movement, nutrition, spa and beauty, health, and emotional and spiritual well-being. Spending a weekend there made me think about something I encounter in my office all the time. Why do so many women feel guilty about taking care of themselves?

Women will come into my office and almost apologize for being there. “I know I shouldn’t care about this.” Or “I know this is vain.” Then, “I should probably be spending the money on my kids.” And the most common, “I feel guilty doing something just for myself.” Interestingly, men rarely begin their consultations this way. Somewhere along the way, many women have absorbed the idea that caring for everyone else is admirable, but caring for ourselves requires justification. I don’t agree.

Self-care doesn’t have to mean going away to a wellness resort. It can mean exercising regularly, making the doctor’s appointment you have been postponing, getting enough sleep, buying yourself something you enjoy, having dinner with a friend. or simply taking an hour when nobody needs anything from you. And yes, sometimes self-care can include doing something about your appearance.

As a plastic surgeon, I obviously have a particular and possibly slightly skewed perspective on this. I don’t believe anyone needs plastic surgery to feel good about themselves. A facelift won’t fix an unhappy marriage. Liposuction won’t solve dissatisfaction with your life. Botox won’t make your children call more often from college (unfortunately). Believe me, if I could inject something that accomplished that last one, I would have a very successful new product. But wanting to look better doesn’t automatically make someone superficial.

Sometimes a woman has spent decades caring for children, a spouse, aging parents, a household, a career and a community, and one day she looks in the mirror and decides she would like to do something for herself. There is nothing inherently wrong with that. In fact, I think the healthiest approach to aesthetic medicine is not, “I hate myself, so fix me.” It is almost the opposite: “I value myself, and this is something I have chosen to do for me.” That distinction matters.

The timing of my little retreat felt particularly appropriate because we are approaching Rosh Hashanah. The Jewish New Year asks us to take stock. We think about what we did well during the past year and what we would like to do differently. We make resolutions about being better spouses, better parents, better siblings, better friends and better members of our community. Perhaps we should also resolve to be a little better to ourselves. That doesn’t mean putting ourselves ahead of everyone else. Judaism certainly doesn’t teach us to live only for ourselves. We are deeply connected to family and community, and so much of a meaningful life comes from what we give to others. But you can’t continually give from an empty reservoir.

After moving two children into college, I realized that this was a transition for me too. Their lives were changing, but so was mine. The frantic weeks of getting them ready were over. There was suddenly a little space where all that activity had been. I could have immediately filled it with more obligations. Instead, for one weekend, I filled it with myself. I came home rested, refreshed, and, frankly, better equipped to return to my patients, my family, and everything else waiting for me.

Maybe that is the part of self-care we sometimes forget. Taking care of yourself isn’t necessarily taking something away from the people you love. Sometimes it allows you to give them a better version of you.

So as we enter a new year, make all the usual resolutions. Call your mother. Be more patient with your children. Give more tzedakah. Go to shul. Exercise. Eat better. Try not to gossip. But perhaps add one more: Take care of yourself, too.

Whether that means a massage, an afternoon alone, Botox, finally addressing something about your appearance that has bothered you for years, or even escaping to the Berkshires for a weekend after dropping two children at college, you don’t need to feel guilty about it.

Ladies, it’s OK.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. Sometimes, it’s exactly what you need to begin the New Year feeling renewed.

Wishing you a shana tovah! 

At Preminger Plastic Surgery, we are committed to educating our patients and providing personalized care tailored to their unique needs. For those considering plastic surgery, we offer guidance every step of the way to help you achieve your aesthetic and wellness goals. Dr. Preminger is a board-certified plastic surgeon with degrees from Harvard, Cornell, and Columbia.

For more information or to schedule a consultation, please visit premingermd.com or call 212-706-1900. Follow us on Instagram @premingerplasticsurgery.