Happiness: An Infectious Emotion And A Contagious Feeling

This is the third article in my series on happiness. Now that we have analyzed happiness as both an emotion and a feeling, and have pointed to its waning role in adult experience, let’s look at some tools for restoring happiness to our repertoire of feelings.

The sad news is, according to some studies, that many adults these days identity their most familiar feelings as sadness, stress, and anger. Some of this has to do with the state of the world we live in and its many problems. It also has to do with familiarity, that once a person is accustomed to being in a particular state of mind, it is more comfortable to stay that way. For many, it can be difficult to break away from their familiar mindset.

For Orthodox Jews, generally speaking, in order to feel happy, they have to begin with accepting their right to be happy. As I have outlined in previous articles, we have traditions based in the Talmud and halachahthat set limits on levity and remind us to maintain perspective about what values are important in life. Still, our Torah tradition does not require us to function in a state of gloominess or dispiritedness, and we have been advised by our Sages to avoid depression, rage, and excessive states of worry and anxiety.

What I recommend here is that, in order to restore one’s happiness, one begins by determining that it is permitted to achieve a state of happiness. Yet, I have come across some of my rabbinical colleagues, who believe that “there is no word or concept for ‘fun’ in lashon ha’kodesh.” While I’m not going to challenge etymologies and semantics, I would look instead at the evidence among our great Sages and contemporary leaders that many have displayed a true sense of happiness and indeed joy (simcha shel mitzvah). Therefore, a tool for achieving a state of happiness is to first adopt the notion that we are permitted to be happy. And it is preferable to achieve a state of happiness rather than wallowing in stress, anger, or sadness, each of which correlates to certain health risks. Happiness has not been linked with health risks; it is an acceptable feeling. It is allowed. It is virtually risk free. Awareness of this can remove some of the psychological barriers that dissuade us from allowing our mood and mindset to turn positive. Drive this home to your inner self: happy feelings are healthy and permissible.

Happiness is a personal psychological state, but it actually is an interpersonal psychosocial dynamic as well. This means that achieving a state of greater optimism, contentment, and positivity is facilitated by building mutually supportive relationships, practicing gratitude, expressing gratefulness, helping others, expressing empathy, responding actively to other people’s joy, and engaging in the behaviors that the Torah and our Sages place under the rubric of “loving one’s fellow as oneself” and “bestowing kindness (gemilut chassadim).”

Some more internal and personal tools for cultivating happiness are pausing to dwell on those moments when you feel good. In our frenzied and frenetic lives, we are often too quick to move on when something nice happens. We may murmur “Yasher Koach” or “Amazing!” as we walk away, unmoved, but we may not internalize and savor that moment of contentment. Rather than moving on, let that moment sink in. Let it feel real. It is infectious and can pervade your mood and sharing that happiness with others is often contagious and can make other people’s days. Let it do the same for yourself. Appreciate what you have while you have it rather than lamenting what you lack.

Happiness also correlates with positive self-care. Check in with yourself. Compliment yourself when you achieve something honorable or when you handle a situation well. As adults, there is seldom anyone there to give us a “straight A report card” anymore, but we can award ourselves some sense of positivity when we know we’ve done well. This includes the value of setting goals for ourselves, believing that we can accomplish things, including the accomplishment of improving our middos and becoming a better, nicer, kinder person. Believing you can do those things and working to improve your quality of life is definitely doable.

Lastly, for now, happiness includes a sense that we’re doing what is correct both ethically and spiritually. There are some researchers who contend that when a person lives within the framework of their religious belief system, they are less plagued by guilt, which is associated with less worry, less anxiety, and fewer negative moods. There is an active correlation between serving Hashem b’simcha (Tehillim 100:2) and being b’simchabecause we are serving Hashem. n

Rabbi Dr. Dovid Fox is a forensic and clinical psychologist, and director of Chai Lifeline Crisis Services. To contact Chai Lifeline’s 24-hour crisis helpline, call 855-3-CRISIS or email [email protected]. Learn more at ChaiLifeline.org/crisis.