Why Anxiety Feels Louder Than Ever

Years ago, Jerry Seinfeld joked that people were more afraid of public speaking than death. In other words, at a funeral, most people would rather be in the casket than delivering the eulogy. It’s funny because it’s absurd. And it’s funny because it’s true.

The anxiety of standing up and speaking in front of others can feel more terrifying than being put in the ground.

I’ve always remembered that joke because it hit close to home.

I don’t live with debilitating anxiety, but I know anxiety well. Mine showed up around my stuttering. In college, the first day of class was often the worst. The professor would ask everyone to go around the room and introduce themselves. Say your name. Maybe where you’re from. Something simple.

For some reason, that moment undid me.

I remember sitting there, heart pounding, rehearsing my name over and over in my head. And sometimes, instead of facing it, I would pretend I needed to go to the bathroom just to avoid having to introduce myself. The fear of stuttering felt unbearable at that moment. That’s how anxiety works. It convinces you that avoidance is safer than discomfort.

So, when I say I understand how anxiety can impact a life, I mean it. I also know that what I experienced is mild compared to what I see every day in my work.

These days I sit with people whose anxiety doesn’t just make life uncomfortable; it limits their lives. Anxiety that prevents them from traveling. From trying new things. From speaking up at work. From moving forward in their careers. From trusting themselves in relationships and saying yes to opportunities they actually want.

What feels different now is not that anxiety exists, but how powerful it has become.

Growing up, I don’t remember people being crippled by anxiety. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t there. Of course, it was. But people still functioned. They still showed up. They still did hard things while feeling scared, unsure, or uncomfortable. Anxiety lived alongside life, not in place of it.

Lately, I’ve noticed something else. The language around anxiety has changed. This morning, I caught myself telling my sister that I’m probably always in “survival mode” and I need the gym to regulate my nervous system. The words came out naturally. And then I paused. When did this become my language?

Even as a therapist, I hadn’t heard people talk this way so constantly until fairly recently. Nervous system. Regulation. Survival mode. These words are everywhere now. And while there is real science behind them, I wonder what gets lost when language starts replacing lived experience.

Are we actually more unregulated than ever before? Or are we living in a world that makes it harder to feel grounded, capable, and steady inside ourselves?

When people talk about calming their nervous system, what they’re often really saying is that they don’t know how to relax anymore. They’re always bracing. Always scanning. Always preparing for impact. Even when nothing is actively wrong, their bodies don’t believe it.

And then there’s another word we hear constantly: healing.

There’s so much talk about healing, but far less emphasis on moving forward. Healing the past. Healing old wounds. Healing what was never resolved. And while understanding where pain comes from matters, I wonder if healing has become another buzzword we hide behind.

At times, healing has turned into endless conversations without movement. Insight without action. Reflection without momentum. As if life can only begin once everything has been fully processed and neatly resolved.

But life doesn’t work that way.

I don’t have an answer for why anxiety feels more prevalent than ever. But I do know this. Life doesn’t wait for calm. If we wait for everything to “settle” before moving forward, we may wait forever. Growth happens when we learn how to act even while our hearts are still pounding.

Sometimes courage looks like standing up to speak.

Sometimes it looks like staying in your seat and saying your name anyway.

You don’t need to be fully healed to live your life. You don’t need every answer, every explanation, or every loose end tied up. Understanding the past can be meaningful, but staying there keeps anxiety in charge.

The people I see making progress aren’t the ones who have perfectly untangled every root of their anxiety. They’re the ones who start practicing living life again in the present. They do the hard thing while still feeling scared. They move forward without guarantees. They learn, slowly, that discomfort doesn’t mean danger.

Maybe what we need isn’t more language or more analysis. Maybe what we need more is practice. Practice tolerating discomfort. Practice trusting ourselves. Practice moving forward even when we’re unsure.

Sometimes the most courageous thing you can do isn’t more insight or more healing. It’s taking one small step forward while your heart is still pounding. 

Tamara Gestetner is a certified mediator, psychotherapist, and life and career coach based in Cedarhurst.  She helps individuals and couples navigate relationships, career transitions, and life’s uncertainties with clarity and confidence. Through mediation and coaching, she guides clients in resolving conflicts, making tough decisions, and creating meaningful change. Tamara is now taking questions and would love to hear what’s on your mind—whether it’s about life, career, relationships, or anything in between. She can be reached at 646-239-5686 or via email at [email protected]. Please visit www.tamaragestetner.com.