Zev At 20

By: Larry Gordon

Had he lived and gone on in life, Zev Friedman would be 36 years old today. So why is this essay entitled Zev at 20? It might be simple to compute, but Zev lost his life as a 16-year-old boy all those years ago.

So, what does this tragic event have to do with this newspaper?

I suppose it all began 19 years ago, when his family was observing his first yahrzeit. Those of us who remember the story and the way it impacted us will vividly recall Zev’s tragic death and indeed, never forget. It was a Saturday night in the spring and Zev was on the roof of his building where he lived with his father. His parents were separated and have since divorced.

His mother, Robin, was once an avid walker on Central Avenue in the Five Towns and from time to time, I would see her walking while my wife and I were heading in the other direction.

Every year at this time I receive an email or a text asking me if it would be okay to run a photo of Zev in the newspaper with a few lines about him as a memorial. Robin wanted to remind people whether they knew him or not so they could perhaps take a moment or two to reflect on Zev on his yahrzeit.

And we do it every year without fail, and while we just exchange text messages or a quick phone call, I know how much it means to Robin and perhaps other members of her family when they see his photo and a few lines about him, knowing that even after so many years, we still pause to look at this young man’s sweet face and think about Zev, if only for a few moments.

So, when Robin left me a message a few days ago, it occurred to me that it might be a good idea to talk with her about Zev on our weekly podcast as an extended way of reflecting on the loss of such a young man. Last week, Robin came to our office in Cedarhurst to join Esta and me and a few other members of our staff as I prepared to record our conversation about Zev while Robin reflected on his life and how she has dealt with his loss over these last many years.

Unfortunately, there are too many difficult things that people are forced to deal with over the course of a lifetime, with the most challenging being the loss of a child, a pain no one should have to endure and we pray that Hashem spares us this loss and prevent us from ever having to deal with such a heart-wrenching experience.

Last week, Hersh Goldberg-Polin’s mother, Rachel Goldberg-Polin, was featured in a good deal of the media on the occasion of her new book, “When We See You Again.” Rachel is the mother of Hersh Goldberg-Polin, who was murdered by Hamas terrorists after he was abducted and held hostage in Gaza for almost 11 months. He was shot and killed in a tunnel under Gaza when the terrorists thought the IDF was closing in on them.

Rachel wrote a beautiful tribute to Hersh, who was the oldest of her three children. Rachel and her husband Jon (they also have two daughters) became symbols of this horrid ordeal that they were forced to endure. They were both born in the U.S. and aside from being English-speakers, it was Rachel who was particularly articulate and a spokesperson for all who dealt with the violence and viciousness of October 7.

In last weekend’s Wall Street Journal, Rachel wrote at length about the time that her son came to her and her husband to basically tell them that being strictly religious was something that really wasn’t for him. He had completed his military service and like many other soldiers, celebrated that milestone by traveling the world and attending music festivals, something he enjoyed most of all.

That’s what brought him to the Nova music festival near the border of Gaza on October 7th, which was a trifecta of sorts for observant Jews in Israel. It was Shabbos, Shemini Atzeres, and Simchas Torah all rolled into one. Hersh was at the festival with friends that included Aner Shapira. [Ed: See additional story by Alan Mazurek in this week’s 5TJT] When the assault from Gaza penetrated the border, Hersh and some of his friends took cover in a nearby standalone bomb shelter, which was jammed with young people trying to save their lives. In fact, as the terrorists threw grenades into the bomb shelter, one of Hersh’s friends proceeded to quickly pick them up and throw them back outside.

That was until one exploded, killing Hersh’s companion and blowing parts of Hersh’s left arm off. The terrorists grabbed the survivors, threw them into the back of pick-up trucks, and took them to Gaza as hostages. Some of the young people survived because they were lying on the floor of the shelter with dead bodies on top of them. To the Arab terrorists from Gaza, it looked as if everyone was dead, so they moved on.

Most of us really don’t know Rachel Goldberg-Polin, though we felt her pain and suffered along with her during those many difficult days with no news. Since some of the other hostages were freed, she hoped and prayed that she would be reunited with Hersh one day but unfortunately, that day did not come.

In her interviews and newspaper articles and now in the book she has written, we know a little more about Rachel and her husband, Jon. In the WSJ piece of last weekend, she explained how in the shul that she and her husband attend in Jerusalem, the men and women sit separately. She sits with her two daughters and Hersh would sit next to Jon.

Two years prior to October 7th, as stated above, Hersh told his parents that he was not really into religion as much as they would have liked, but on the Friday before October 7, he was there in shul next to his father. Early the next morning, he was off to Nova and met with the ensuing disaster that unfolded.

Rachel explains in her piece that when in shul, Hersh would sometimes lay his head on his father’s shoulder, but now since Hersh’s death, Jon sits alone in shul while Rachel sits with the two girls. Since Hersh’s passing, Jon has changed his seat so he sits in the back near a wall, so at least he can lean against it.

Last Wednesday morning, we learned about an awful car accident that had taken place the night before, resulting in the death of a 25-year-old man from Brooklyn. He was a law student at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York and rented a car to surprise his parents in Brooklyn. We don’t know exactly what happened, but the local news stations in upstate New York reported that the car had moved off the road and hit a tractor trailer that was parked on the shoulder of the highway.

The car Yosef “Joey” Loriner was driving exploded on impact, causing his death. Someone was just telling us the story and we did not realize that Esta and the young man’s grandmother had been friends since their pre-school days in Brooklyn. We didn’t make it to the levaya the next day, but Esta waited a day and called his mom, who as a kid went by the name Sarise.

My children know that name for several reasons. One is that Esta speaks about her and their lifelong friendship often. Another is for her unusual name (she’s now known as Sarah), and that was the word we used as our cell phone password for many years.

Esta and Sarise spoke for about 15 minutes on Friday, and she expressed our shock and condolences on her loss and the terrible loss for the family.

Robin Friedman was in our office last week because I asked her if she wanted to do a podcast, but she didn’t realize it involved both an audio and video component, which she felt she wasn’t ready for last week. When she entered the office, she was carrying a shopping bag full of photos of Zev at different stages of his life.

So, for the first time in 20 years, and considering that we’re not doing a podcast, we just sat around talking about Zev. When Robin called me as she has done each year around this time, she once again asked me if I’d be kind enough to run a photo of Zev with a small write up. At the beginning of the message, she said she was going to try not to cry, but most of the time when she talks about her son, she begins sobbing uncontrollably. And this time was no different—by the end of the message, she was crying almost uncontrollably.

Rachel Goldberg-Polin wrote last week that she always hoped and prayed that her children would bury her someday and not vice versa. She accepts Hashem’s decision, but of course cannot understand it.

We can easily understand that this was exactly what Robin Friedman and Sarah Loriner (who was the grandmother) felt about their child and grandchild.

For Zev, it was his 20th yahrzeit. For Hersh Goldberg-Polin, it has been just twenty months since his body was recovered from a tunnel in Rafah in the Gaza Strip by Israeli forces. Joey Loriner’s family is in the shloshim period after getting up from shivah just a few days ago.

What it all comes down to is that our Creator chose to give us the inability to understand His ways and we have no choice but to subscribe to the halachic protocols that our Sages handed down through the ages.

For Zev, Hersh, and Yosef, may their memories be a blessing for their families and all of Israel. 

Read more of Larry Gordon’s articles at 5TJT.com. Follow 5 Towns Jewish Times on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for updates and live videos. Comments, questions, and suggestions are welcome at 5TJT.com and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.