Toldos: Sincerity

By: Rabbi Judah Mischel

Festive gatherings at Chabad-Lubavitch world headquarters, located at 770 Eastern Parkway in Crown Heights, Brooklyn are, and have always been lively, meaningful, and full of holy excitement. Sometimes, the thousands of men in long black kapotas combined with the highly charged atmosphere create a bit of a confusing hullaballoo. Once, long ago, a young boy got mixed up in the crowd of celebrating Chassidim and the father lost track of his son.

Thinking he had found his father, the young boy innocently grabbed hold of the Lubavitcher Rebbe’s hand and wiped his dirty face on the sleeve of the Rebbe’s kapota. The next day, the Rebbe received a note from his mother begging forgiveness, saying she was embarrassed and “pained” at what happened.

A little while later, the mother received her note back with a question mark and exclamation point inscribed after the word “pained.” The Rebbe wrote at the bottom, “On the contrary, your son brought me great pleasure. One cannot begin to measure the heartfulness, simplicity, innocence, and sincerity of a child—if only half of these qualities could be found in adults.”

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“And the young men grew up… Eisav was a skilled hunter, a man of the field, while Yaakov was an ish tam, a wholesome man, a dweller in tents” (Bereishis 25:27).

The Hebrew word tam, sometimes translated as “perfect” is more accurately “innocent,” while implying simplicity, purity, wholeheartedness, sincerity, and completeness. Temimus is our foundation and touchstone, the pathway of the righteous. While Yaakov Avinu is called ish tam in our sidrah, he is not the first to embody this holy trait: Hashem also praises Noach as Yitzchak Avinu an ish tzaddik tamim, Avraham Avinu is encouraged to walk with Hashem and be tamim, and manifests temimus at the Akeidah.

In the teachings of Maharal of Prague (Nesivos Olam, Nesiv haTemimus), temimus is considered a most desirable middah, referred to as “the apex of life” and a primary goal in character development, indeed, our purpose in this world.

The challenge and opportunity Hashem lays before us is one of striving toward temimus, accurately translated as “sincerity” and “wholesomeness.” The common mistranslation of temimus as “perfection” can be severely damaging to our spiritual growth and personal development. The Ribbono shel Olam neither desires nor expects “perfection” from us; the entire system of teshuvah and the possibility of forgiveness is based on inevitable sins and mistakes. Human beings are necessarily “imperfect” and so the drive to be perfect veers away from the way Hashem created us. Not only is a perfectionist image unattainable, a need to attain it is unhealthy. Lurking behind such narcissism is often low self-esteem, a lack of wholeness. Perfectionism and true temimusare actually opposites.

On the verse defining Yaakov Avinu as an ish tam, Rashi comments: “As in his heart, so in his lips.” Yaakov was a person who spoke what he thought; he simply could not lie. His words and his thoughts were completely connected. This is one way he revealed complete temimus (integrity) and shleimus(wholeheartedness). This is also how Yaakov embodied the middah of Tiferes, which is a quality of k’lil, bringing together or connectivity.

Rebbe Nachman explains the inner significance of Yaakov’s efforts to acquire the bechorah, the blessing of the firstborn. On a deeper level, to be a firstborn means to see things as though for the first time. Yaakov experienced life with newness, wonder, innocence, and temimus.

Rebbe Zusha of Anipoli taught that there are three things we can learn from an infant: how to laugh, how to cry, and how to keep constantly busy. For children, everything is natural and new, often learned or experienced for the first time. Curiosity, openness, and simple enjoyment pervade their consciousness. Indeed, if we were to open our hearts and enter the internal stance of temimus, these qualities could be found in us adults as well.

May the birth of Yaakov Avinu this week awaken in us a renewed commitment toward cultivating temimusin our own lives and avodas Hashem, Jewish practice. May we let go of perfectionism and merit to serve Hashem in simplicity, sincerity, earnestness, and wholeheartedness. n

Excerpted from Baderech: Along the Path of the Torah, forthcoming (Mosaica Press, Elul 5786). 

Rabbi Judah Mischel is Executive Director of Camp HASC, and Mashpiah of OU-NCSY.